Some days I stand in the mirror butt naked and look at myself.. The only reminder outwardly that I've even had Breast Cancer is a scar about 5cm long on The side of my right breast and a 7cm scar under my right arm where they took lymph nodes...my under arm and back of arm feels compleaty numb. Sometimes it just feels surreal, that I even had tumors that were cancerous. I look at my slightly rounded stomach and think maybe back of those Big Macs Mk, but don't stop enjoying yourself. I think that was my way of coping and being strong staying slightly angry and in denial. I talked to several surgons, and nurses, some were quiet intimidated by my lack of caring what they thought or caring about their prestigious, medical degree.
You know what?
It might not have looked good on the outside, some of my behavior to others, but their opinions didn't keep me alive and my head above water. I did what I needed to do for me. I am litterly fighting for my life.
Cancer is a large head game, but until I experienced it myself I didn't realise just how much it compleaty does your head in at certian points.
Anyone else felt this way?
I hear Egypt is an beautiful place but never cared for the hot temperatures myself. No one knows how they really would react until the occurrence happens to them, personally I think a little denial can be very helpful throughout the journey as long as there's periods of active listening and personally choice/action as well. Denial can be help distraction and an sometimes an handy coping skills. Cancer was a roller coaster for us - filled with long stages of waiting, hope, downturns, stress, rest periods, more hope, don't forget denial and story. We discovered our surrounding loved ones and friends amplified traits and personalities. We also discovered ours as well....a fighting spirit becomes fearsome, a quiet soul becomes a grounding foundation and some are in between.
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