Hi Renyhill.
I'm in a sort of similar position to you. My 41 year old boyfriend has multiple myeloma. It was only about a couple of weeks after we started seeing each other that he was told he was no longer in remission.
I know how hard it can be. Back in 2014 when he was re-diagnosed we were told to expect him to be having a bone marrow transplant by April of that year. As most know though cancer plays by it's own rules and now in January 2016 we are no closer to the transplant than we were back then.
Multiple myeloma is generally known as an "old people's disease" and I often find myself thinking he's too young for this. He too is often the youngest in the waiting room or wards at the times when he's been admitted. It's a really hard thing to have to confront.
He can be tired, irritable, forgetful and even plain flat out rude at times during treatment. While I understand what it's like to feel like crap, be frustrated at not being able to do the things he wants to do etc, I also understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of that which can sometimes last a few days.
I've not coped particularly well with the situation overall I must say. I have a history of severe depression myself and tend to use alcohol as a coping mechanism, a habit I'm trying hard to break now as I know I'm not doing him in any favours with his recovery if I'm getting plastered.
For me it's not so bad when we can have at least one day a week of some sort of "normal" - you know go out for dinner (or even have dinner together), not have to leave somewhere when he's tired, he's achieved something for the day which puts him in better spirits all that kind of thing. It's those stretches when those bad days stretch into weeks with seemingly no end in sight that I struggle the most with the disease and myself.
I have feelings of total guilt when I'm angry and upset that he doesn't have the energy or is in too much pain so can't go to family events or plans are spoilt and yet at the same time I'm the first one to tell him to stay home if he's undecided and clearly looks like it's going to be a struggle for him. I battle the feeling of being a grade A bitch at times like those. Plenty of people miss out on a lot more stuff in life than that and I should just be grateful for the days we do get to be like any other "normal" couple.
What I've found hardest about finding people to support those who are caring for someone with cancer is that a lot of times people don't really understand how heartbreaking it is to deal with day after day, it is draining and does take its toll.
Anyway I'll stop rambling now and hopefully something in there has helped you.
