I'm so alone right now;

Frequent Visitor

I'm so alone right now;

My nuts don't define who I am. I'm a very, very sad man. A very, very sad man. I just want to live.  But it saddens me that I have to live with this... this cancer. A malformed growth of cells. And it's me. I am... that malformed growth of cells... I'm just a walking pile of bacteria!  I want to live though; there are things that I have loved, and those things that I have loved, and the things that they've loved, it's a microbiome of love. I want to live. I want to breathe. I want to see another day and experience the joy of life, television, reality television and the Harlem Globetrotters. I believe in me, even if no one else does.

 

I may lose my testicles, my arms, my legs, and eventually my brain. But I will never lose my heart. My heart that pumps blood and feels emotions and has emotions and, emotions. I believe in me. I am a shooting star, not a pile of writhing chromosomes, I am a man, even without my nuts I am a man, and I choose to live. Why do you think cartoon hearts look nothing like actual hearts? It's because our capacity to love extends far beyond atrial chambers and blue, veiny veins. I will live, I will breathe another day, even if I die I die, but my head... Spacely sprockets and broken glass. My head... my head! What about all those people that got decapitated throughout history?All those people without heads! I refuse to let cancer define my life, I may have physical cancer... but I don't have cancer of the soul.

3 REPLIES 3
Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: I'm so alone right now;

May god bless you and comfort you through your battle.

David.

Frequent Contributor

Re: I'm so alone right now;

Hi sad, sad man

 

I'm Phil. AKA, anxious, anxious man. Formerly, Mr positive and I'm gonna kick cancer's arse. I started chemo today. It's crappy.

 

Just reading back through older posts, prior to me joining. I have not read a post like this one. I can feel your pain. You write like a poet.

 

I can't help your loneliness and your cancer treatment. Would it help if I challenged you to a dark poetry contest? I offer you a verse from a song I wrote. Alas, it's not about having cancer. It's a reflection on my marriage break up.

 

I've been better off.

There's been times when I've been in control.

I had a soul, but when it left me?

I just can't recall,

After all,

It didn't like me anyway.

No wonder why it wouldn't stay.

 

Hang in there.

 

Cheers

 

Phil

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New Contributor

Re: I'm so alone right now;

I am man wouthour a penis.. due to cancer .. feel free to contact me if you want chat 

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