Coping strategies for carers who have watched their partners endure 45 rounds of chemo

[CURLA]

Hi, I am new to this forum and am struggling to find other carers like myself who see no end to the chemo treatment that my husband is enduring.  The majority of people I have had the good fortune to chat with have had 6, 12 or 18 rounds of chemo and then they stop and are in remission or living life cancer free. 

Richard’s journey began in Dec 18 with the removal of the tumour in his small intestine but it had metastasised to his liver. After the operation he began chemo treatment late Jan 2019 and he is now 45 rounds down the road. 

I have learnt so much and was soooo ignorant about cancer of any sort.  I meditate, do boxing for exercise and to let out my anger and grief, I organise massages for both of us and have the good fortune to visit the Gold Coast regularly with him and stay literally on the beach side watching the waves and listening to the calm therapeutic sound. We both individually see a specialist cancer psychologist. We both have fantastic friends so there is so much to be grateful for. As the months keep dragging into fortnightly chemo sessions it is hard to be positive and up beat and I know that I need to be for him. I am at the point where I just can’t pretend anymore that it is going to be OK. 

Does anyone have any other advice on what I can do to help myself.  I would dearly love to talk with someone who has been down this very long road. Rich was at treatment recently and a patient across from him was enduring their 99th round. The nursing staff were talking about having a cake for him when he came in for his 100th.  I need hope that there will be happier days ahead. 

Are there any carers groups that actually meet up for a coffee and chat? I live in Brisbane and would love to connect with someone and hear their experience and advice. 

Thanks for listening. 

[Traci-Renee]

Hi Curla, I have been dealing with my husbands Cancer since June 18th of last year 2019. We did 6 months of Chemo, our last was Christmas 2019.  My husband has Stage 4 Apoendix Cancer/ bowel.  He had Hipec surgery 2 and a half weeks later.  It’s called the mother of all surgeries and they removed 95% of his omentum/ stomach lining and gallbladder bc they could see the Gallbladder was extremely large.  Well July they could see a spot that needed to be watched.  October 3 months later, it’s spread in the whole abdominal cavity.  We just started chemo again November 9 th.  God I wish I could tell you what to do for yourself.  Unfortunately, it isn’t about you.  It’s about him and how much time you have with them.  I know the cancer is going to take my hubby.  I am 51 years old.  He is 57.  We have three beautiful kids who need their dad.  I believe in don’t wish a day away, bc before you know it, our loved ones won’t be here with us.  I am busting my ass.  He cannot eat or drink anything by mouth.  I had to learn TPN thru his PICC Line.  It is IV at home 16 hour bags I have to hook up and then hook him up to a sodium Chloride bag for 4 hours.  20 hours total to IV and 4 hours free.  I don’t like help bc that’s time away from him and nobody is going to care for him the way I am going to care for the man I loved and married and had three of the most amazing kids with.  Just love and live every minute with him.  I’ve been thru his most angriest of days were I couldn’t do anything right, to him being so grateful for me.  He also has a stomach G-tube now that I have to clean and flush and empty his bag.  Again I do everything I do out of pure love.  When we do get our time for ourselves, we are then gonna be lonely, bc our dear loving husbands will be home with god, and we will be here wishing they were here at there worst.  Take each minute day by day and be grateful for this time.  I know it’s hard I cry away from my kids and husband.  I love my family and the pain Cancer has brought to my family.   Sending you a great big Hug and know you are not alone. ❤️