Hi Glen1948, I’m so sorry to hear about your sister.  Was she just diagnosed?  What I have experienced with my husband, is that once told he had cancer he didn’t want to know any more.  He was like I’m gonna beat this.  I feel as tho, my opinion only.  That the dr’s are so cold, bc they deal with daily.  My husbands dr oncologist we told her we didn’t want to know, we just wanted to fight.  She has honestly respected our wishes.  I have to be honest, I know everything!!! My husband does not.  He probably does bc he knows his body and how he feels and doesn’t tell me bc I cry.  But every time I take him to the ER or hospital and he is admitted, these damn dr’s want to tell him the doom and gloom.  I have to stop them and sometimes I actually have to be a REAL BITCH!  Bc they come at us forcefully and say to me, he has every right to know and I just answer back 1.  We see an oncologist who specializes in cancer, if he wanted to know he would speak to her who is much more educated in cancer than you. 2.  As the dr’s say he has the right to know, MY HUSBAND has the right and wishes not to know!  So Dr. You need to respect his wishes.   these dr’s want to act all godly just bc they have a damn M.D to the end of their names.  I have no problem speaking my mind to them and have corrected them many times.  Our loved ones need strong advocates.  If I don’t like the way a conversation is going, I tell them to stop.  We don’t want to know, but thanks anyways.  My husbands oncologist told me in a private phone call just her and I that my husband only had 6months to 18 months.  But 18 months was unrealistic.  Well my husband was diagnosed June 18th 2019 and today is September 12th, 2022.  Yes 3 years and almost 3 months = 39 months…I’m starting to believe that maybe not knowing is better for the patient.  My friends wife decided to do the same as my husband and I.  She decided she didn’t want to know, and wants to fight.  Her husband knows more medically than she.  She has been fighting and looks good and goes for treatments and has lasted longer than expected.  I think the doom and gloom of knowing effects the person, whose been diagnosed.  Depression sets in and they push their loved ones away bc they know it’s gonna kill them if they pass.  ( it’s my belief only) but I’m seeing it in a lot of people at the cancer center.  My husbands dr, oncologist is kind and understanding and most of all respects my husbands decision not to know.  To me that is a Dr. That wears M.D with ❤️ Bc she cares for her patients with love, and respect.   Please know you and your family are in my prayers.  You didn’t ask for what real advice you wanted.  So feel free to ask me and if I know I will share, but if I don’t I won’t pretend to know.  But I will definitely just listen and help you get your feelings off your chest.  Sincerely, Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi Ralph1968,  Thank you, yes my granddaughter just turned 5 months and brings some sunshine in the house.  My house use to have laughter, smiles, giggles and happiness.   Now it’s filled with sad faces, no laughter and barely any smiles.  It’s like the my husbands cancer, is killing us all.  Which of course it does, but I mean it’s the hardest thing watching and always living in fear as I see my husband getting weaker day by day.  I’m 53 years old, this is a nightmare for me.  I always thought of getting married and living together till we are old and gray.  Life has thrown me so many curves, I’m numb…how has your wife been feeling?  How has she been with you?  Any changes?  I understand your kids don’t say much, but someone needs to step up and say Mum, why are you treating dad so terribly?  He loves you and this is killing him.  God don’t you wish we had a magic wand?  I lost my mom to Covid, when I told her, I’m gonna need you mom, when something happens to Rob.  Now I don’t have her.  There are days where I honestly think living is so much harder than dying.  I try and keep everything going, take care of everyone.  I wish for once someone would actually say hey mum how are you doing?   I just suck everything up, I don’t let my kids see me cry and believe me I cry.  Either in the shower or when I go to the grocery store.  I will sit in my car and just bawl.  You are a good man, sticking by your wife.  I know I’m a good wife for taking care of my husband.  It was really hard when he was on the steroids.  God I will be honest, at one point I thought what am I here for, nobody will miss me if I die or run away.  It was unbearable.  Now he is so grateful and I do everything to keep him calm.  He actually gets nervous when I’m not here.  Every medical professional says I’m his calm.  Which is nice to hear.  I have been praying for you and your family, and I’m not a religious person by no means!!! But prayers can’t hurt.  Thinking of you and your family.  Your new Friend Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Ameliamarilyn, first I want to say I’m sorry to hear about your moms diagnosis.  Second I want you to take a deep breath, and realize these people are doing it out of love for your mom.  I know exactly what your going thru, we had someone do a go fund me for my husband.  My husband is the kind of guy that doesn’t want to be the center of attention or honestly his business out there in the open.  My husband has terminal cancer and we have 3 kids 25, 22 and 19.  He was diagnosed 3 years ago and now is bedridden.  I want you to know the hardest thing to know how to react to such hard news if different for everyone.  Just bc you and mom aren’t religious doesn’t hurt to have prayers out there being said. ( we are also not religious) but now thankful and see the love.  This is new to you, I believe you said.  I’m 3 plus years in, my husband was diagnosed 6-17-19.  He was given 6 months to 18 months ( with 18 being really very unlikely) he is here 3 plus years. So a prayer doesn’t hurt. You want to know what hurts.  My husbands family couldn’t make it to the hospital to see their only son and brother in the hospital. ( he has already lost his older sister to cancer 2014 on August 31st) yes today is her passing anniversary.  She was 9 days away from her 56 th birthday.  My husband is 58.  My husband mother lived in our 3 family for 20 years but couldn’t pick up the phone to call my kids to see how they are coping with their dads diagnosis nor any of the family.  Easter came my kids didn’t receive a call or text.  I threw my mother inlaw out of our three family and I won’t talk to any of them, nor will my kids.   These people are reaching out with love.  People don’t ask people they love if they need help.  ( bc they know the person will say I’m fine) they do it and believe me, stuff will come up and you will be so grateful and your mom also, that people loved her enough and your family to have a nest egg made out of love for the lives you all have touched.  Your hurting right now, your mom is scared and hurting.  Realize there are bigger battles to fight.  They are sharing her story out of love, and friendship to get people to chip in, not to hurt your family but out of love.  I say this bc it’s happened to us.  You need love and support and caring people.  If people didn’t ask how your mom was you would be hurt right?  You can’t hide the cancer.  Unfortunately none of us can.  I would much rather being loved and daily prayers, than being forgotten.  There are so many people out there that have absolutely no one.  Taking on Cancer all by themselves.  Now that is really sad.  You and your mom didn’t ask for this help and neither did we, but remember it’s out of love for your family that these lovely kind hearted people whom your mom and your family mean enough to them to try and help.  I am also praying for your family.  Like I said my husband is bedridden but I’m thankful for every day and believe love has helped keep him here, loneliness would have taken him away sooner.  Again I’m sorry and I hope you keep venting and sharing here.  It was truly a blessing for me and the heartache Cancer has caused my family.  Sincerely, Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi Ralph1968,  wow, we do have a lot in common.  I have 3 kids.  My daughter who is 25, and just gave us our first granddaughter/child 5 months ago yesterday.   I also have two amazing boys 22 and 19.  If the 1968 is the year you were born, I was born February 1969.  I asked you if she was taking a steroid?  Is she?  What are her treatments they still doing chemo?  You said she leaves the house, so she obviously gets around.  You need to get to the bottom of her anger.  I sad to here she doesn’t sleep in your bed with you.  But on the flip side when my husband was mean to me, I so didn’t want to sleep in the same bed.  I would call her dr.  Something is going on and someone needs to change a med..if your the only one she is mean to ,  sounds exactly how my husband was.  Nice to everyone else, but I was crap.  It was his steroid!!! So if she is taking a steroid ( for some reason that medicine makes them concentrate on one thing and the object here is you.  I was my husbands object…honestly I’m here if ya need to talk, bc I totally understand the loneliness Cancer can bring to our hearts.  What are your kids saying?  Hope to here from you soon. your new friend Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi Ralph1968,  I’m so sorry to hear about your wife and her diagnosis.  I have seen you have read some of my posts.  It’s so hard and even tho she has the cancer, you and your family also have the next best thing to having the cancer.  (Believe me when I say BEST is definitely not the right word) Cancer Sucks!  Is your wife getting treatment?  My husband was diagnosed June 18th, 2019 with Appendix Cancer. Metastasized thru out his abdomen.  We have done many rounds of chemo, major surgery HIPEC which he was good January 15, 2020 thru October 2020 and then spiraled downward.  He keeps going septic bacterial everytime we have a chemo treatment.  Now we have had to septic Fungal infections and he is on a antibiotic for the rest of his life.  He hasn’t eaten by mouth since November 2020.  He has a tunnel Picc line, g-Tube for drainage and hooked up to IV’s nutrients and antibiotics all day long.  I do everything for him, no nurses except Monday just to come do vitals and change his dressing and draw labs.  I am doing everything since day one, but now I shower him and I also do injections and meds.  I will not have regrets, I wouldn’t be able to live with regrets.  If your wife is on a steroid I strongly suggest you talk privately to her dr.  The dr. Won’t eat you out.  If she isn’t on meds she could be upset with good reason with herself.  Mad that how could I get cancer?  What’s this going to do to my family? If she isn’t on a steroid, then tell the dr. How much this is killing you, but you can’t talk with her, have the dr. Sit with you both and tell the dr. To ask how you both are doing!!! When I say be honest, be honest…say it in front of your wife. How much your scared and love her and will and want to do anything you can for the woman you married and love. Do you both have kids?  I made these calls and just vented and when we went into his next appointment, she would say how are you doing Traci-Rene’e.  Honestly I would start crying.  But I will say once off the steroid, he was so different within a week, then two weeks later she took another steroid away from him and OMG, you would have thought I hit the jackpot.  He was nicer to me, kinder and well I’m here bc I saw your post.  You are an amazing husband!  Don’t you forget that!!! Ok.  No matter what is thrown your way, you’ve got this!  I know the outcome isn’t good.  My husbands dr’s told me he had 6 months to 18 months (which she said 18 months is honestly unrealistic) we just passed 3 years in June!  I am my husbands advocate!  I will tell an M.D.  what do you think I’m stupid bc you have a damn M.D at the end of your name.  I’m far from stupid and honestly all the dr’s and nurses and specialists say he wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.  So, I do want to add from day one my husband didn’t want to know how bad his cancer is!  He just wanted to fight. I have known since day 1…so when my husband says something, I act as I don’t know anymore than him, bc that’s what he wanted for all of us to not know and keep marching on till he got better.  So that is what we do!!! But I know the truth and it kills me inside.  I also lost my mom to Covid during this which was a double whammy.  My husband doesn’t barely get out of bed anymore.  The cancer has spread to his liver and now they see it on his upper lobes of lungs.  So I honestly feel for everyone and family member and caregivers out there, loving and carelessly giving and taking abuse from the one person we have so much love for.  Ralph1968 you’ve got this, stay strong! I also used this sight to vent and get my voice out there, so I suggest you do the same.  It honestly helps release what you can’t say to your loved one.  It helps you be heard.  It helps to get it off your chest and move on to the next minute.  I’m here and will listen and talk and I know a lot of other great people on this site will also chat with you.  Your not alone!!! Your stronger than what you think!  Your an amazing Husband!  Please don’t forget this….Your New Friend Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Louie, You have to tell your kids. This is a time that you might actually see them pull together. You don’t want anyone to have any I wish or I should’ve. You want to express love and know your loved. Stay 💪 strong. ... View more

hi Patches, my husband can’t do much these days, pretty much lays in bed.  We just got a second opinion from a new surgeon and seeing a new oncologist on the 2nd of February.   Yes as soon as he was diagnosed we did wills.  But he still doesn’t know what stage this is.  He doesn’t want to know.  Here the dr’s believe if they don’t want to know, it’s probably for the best.  He will live longer.  I have been thru so much since 2019, 2020 and now 2021.  Losing my mom and now my husband is getting worse.  I’m still not done cleaning out her apartment.  We just got her ashes 29th Friday.  Is really crazy.   hope to hear back. ❤️Hugs my friend ... View more

Patches, I’m so sorry for everything your going thru, but please know you are not alone. I can’t believe your husbands family would treat you this way, but then again I just lost my mom 1-14-21 to Covid and that same day we found out my husbands cancer has gotten worse and they are stopping his Chemo. My brother and his wife who are alcoholics, have started. I’ll explain in private message. I know we can’t pick family but I wish we could. Those who should be there for each other seem to drift apart. Isn’t there enough pain in this world. I can say from the bottom of my heart you are not alone, and you absolutely don’t deserve this treatment. I’m sending you a great big hug...I hope to hear back from you soon my friend. Xo ... View more

Hi Anka80, Stay Strong, know we are all thinking of you with love and prayers.  If you need to talk, we are always here.  ❤️ Traci-Rene’e ... View more

Hi Curla, I have been dealing with my husbands Cancer since June 18th of last year 2019. We did 6 months of Chemo, our last was Christmas 2019.  My husband has Stage 4 Apoendix Cancer/ bowel.  He had Hipec surgery 2 and a half weeks later.  It’s called the mother of all surgeries and they removed 95% of his omentum/ stomach lining and gallbladder bc they could see the Gallbladder was extremely large.  Well July they could see a spot that needed to be watched.  October 3 months later, it’s spread in the whole abdominal cavity.  We just started chemo again November 9 th.  God I wish I could tell you what to do for yourself.  Unfortunately, it isn’t about you.  It’s about him and how much time you have with them.  I know the cancer is going to take my hubby.  I am 51 years old.  He is 57.  We have three beautiful kids who need their dad.  I believe in don’t wish a day away, bc before you know it, our loved ones won’t be here with us.  I am busting my ass.  He cannot eat or drink anything by mouth.  I had to learn TPN thru his PICC Line.  It is IV at home 16 hour bags I have to hook up and then hook him up to a sodium Chloride bag for 4 hours.  20 hours total to IV and 4 hours free.  I don’t like help bc that’s time away from him and nobody is going to care for him the way I am going to care for the man I loved and married and had three of the most amazing kids with.  Just love and live every minute with him.  I’ve been thru his most angriest of days were I couldn’t do anything right, to him being so grateful for me.  He also has a stomach G-tube now that I have to clean and flush and empty his bag.  Again I do everything I do out of pure love.  When we do get our time for ourselves, we are then gonna be lonely, bc our dear loving husbands will be home with god, and we will be here wishing they were here at there worst.  Take each minute day by day and be grateful for this time.  I know it’s hard I cry away from my kids and husband.  I love my family and the pain Cancer has brought to my family.   Sending you a great big Hug and know you are not alone. ❤️ ... View more