Going away when your partner has cancer

Frip
Occasional Visitor

Going away when your partner has cancer

Just looking for some advice….

My family are all in the UK and I haven’t seen them for a couple of years now. I had planned to go home for Christmas but then my partner got stage 3 colorectal cancer and everything has of course just been put on hold.

Over the last few weeks my mental health has really gone downhill (long story and largely to do with cracks in our relationship) and even though I know it’s no one’s fault I am so resentful of the fact that I’m unable to see my family  indefinitely, when I feel I need them the most.

So, my question is, is it even something I should be considering bringing up in conversation with my partner, that I need to go and see my family? Am I being selfish and abandoning him when he needs me the most (no doubt that’s how it will be seen).

One of the problems with this is that we are wholly reliant on one another, he isn’t super super close with his family (as in he doesn’t see them much) and doesn’t have any friends that he sees, so if I leave him, even for a short while, I am leaving him alone.

I mean, that’s his choice, to not see his family much or connect with his friends, so do I need to take that on as my burden on top of everything else? Am I being unreasonable to even consider leaving him right now, for a couple of weeks?

Just for extra information, he is going through immunotherapy and is up to his 4th treatment and is feeling very good, really good in fact.

2 REPLIES 2
Ashley_ccnsw
Cancer Council Team

Re: Going away when your partner has cancer

Hi Frip,

 

Thank you for reaching out to our community here. I hope you can get some perspectives and assistance for what you're currently dealing with.

If you need someone to help process your feelings around the cancer carer journey, please contact our 13 11 20 line and we can link you in with one of our counsellors. It sounds like there's a lot that you're having to consider and sit with right now.

We're here if you need us.

 

All the best

Ashley

CCNSW

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sch
Super Contributor

Re: Going away when your partner has cancer

Hi @Frip 

I had stage 2 bowel cancer and had some quite a bit of surgery.

Personally, I didn't have any issues if my wife went away. 

He has cancer, sure, but life goes on. Everything continues.

Let him know that you are going and why, and give him the dates. The two of you can check in with each other on a regular basis if need be.

Good luck

 

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