Below is something I wrote in a memoir of my own father's passing. Maybe by reading it others will heal, or inspire others to do their own writing to help healing.
It’s often been said that the doorway of grief is so large, that you can’t go over the top or below it and you can’t go around it. The only way to get to the other side is to walk straight through it. I was hoping there was an easier way but unfortunately haven’t found one yet.
Grief is so personal that there is no “one solution fits all” and there are no definitely no deadlines. Others can provide suggestions, based on their own life experiences, but that’s not to say they will work for us. Our personalities, circumstances and loved ones are all so unique, that only we can discover what is the best way to cope after a loved one has passed.
Part of dad’s job as a flight engineer was looking for sailors lost at sea, washed overboard by stormy seas. I think that’s how mum and I felt when dad passed away. The boat, dad in this case, had finally sailed on to its destination to meet up with his friends and family who had since passed and we were left bobbing around in a sea of emotions looking for something to hang onto to keep afloat.
It’s very easy to get complacent of those around us. His advice, guidance and inspiration, were somewhat taken for granted. Until one day, they’re no longer there and you realise how much you relied upon it, despite never being humble enough to admit it at the time. Maybe I should have spoken a bit less and listened a bit more.
No matter what we do to attempt filling the void that dad has left, nothing has and possibly ever will. I’ve had to learn to accept that, just another one of life’s challenges.
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