Third time around, but this one feels just a bit crappier

[EverForward]

I was one of those statistically rare types who managed to get testicular cancer twice. I used to joke that it was unlikely to happen a third time, given the removal of both my testicles, but two years after the second surgery and it looks like there has been spread into my lymphatic system.

This time it all feels harder. Previously I was diagnosed, treated with surgery and recovering in under a month. This time they’re having trouble getting clear imaging, so I have to wait for images months apart - next one mid December, before they decide on my treatment regime - though they are fairly certain it will be chemo. I’m in lockdown, had to close down my business for corona virus and spend a lot of time trying not to think about having something malignant inside me.

More difficult, though, has been supporting my partner. The news has left him shell shocked, but that has meant I’ve spent a couple of months trying to give him emotional support which he has struggled to offer me. This time around I think I’m just lonely - and feels like I’m facing things on my own.

I’m wondering if others have this experience of partners shutting down in response to a diagnosis and if there are supports that have worked in this instance?

[CiennaR]

Dear EverForward,

Yes, it is definently crappier the 3rd time around.   I saw your post and felt like I had to answer.  I am a woman so...am not going through testicular cancer but was just diagnosed with lung cancer for the 3rd time and it is crappy in so many ways.  It is harder this time because I guess we were thinking just maybe cancer was behind us plus now we are dealing with Covid too.

• My husband too was shell shocked this time and truthfully it  has been at times exhausting trying to give him emotional support while going through another cancer diagnosis.  And yes, at times I feel lonely too.   I think in my case, my husband feels like now it is a real possibility he might lose me to cancer.  Which is why at times the lack of emotional support,  anger, questioning if I really love him?  As overwhelming as it is for us, it is overwhelming for our partners too.   This doesn't ease the frustration  or loneliness I feel at times but I have found patience and talking and talking can help some.  I haven't found a support group for caretakers (as I guess partners  of cancer patients are called) but it seems like that would be of some help too if our partners were willing to go.

Best wishes to you,

CiennaR