Hi Phil,   Thank you.  I'm sure you're just like everyone Phil.   We're all afraid of the C word.   It has the power to turn our world upside down.  Everything before us that we were confident in, is swept away.  I had a cerebral aneurysm at the age of 30.  Four small children aged 2 to 8.  First and only time ever, my husband was coming home early and when I called him he was not far from home.  Incredibly lucky.  Initially diagnosed by GP and sent to hospital.   Sent home with a stress headache and valium.  Luckily my GP had asked me to come back and see her if I needed to.  Next day I did.  On the second day, I was awake at 5am and made my children chocolate cupcakes to put in their lunches (older chidlren) and made pancakes for breakfast.  If I died, I wanted my children to have the memory of a really, really good mother.  Doctor sent me off for an MRI next day.  I was in terrible pain.  On the third day towards evening, I said to my husband that I didn't think I would survive the night.  Again, luckily, my GP lived at the back of her surgery.  My husand interrupted her dinner with her family and she said she would get onto the Radiologist and let us know.   At 10.00pm that night she arrived at our house.  No one had read the Radiology report so she had made the Radiologist go back to work and read it.  It was an aneurysm.  She explained it to us and had already arranged surgery at the Alfred Hospital for later that evening.  We just had to get to hospital.  Not good survival rates and possibility of stroke afterwards or long term side effects from the bleed.   Completely recovered with no side effects.  Congenital - born with the weakness in one of the walls of an atrtery.  Could have burst at any time and luckily didn't during pregnancies or child birth.  So I've faced death before.  I told myself I would never go through anything like that ever again.  I would choose to die rather than have major surgery.  I had 34 bissful years where I woke up every day, grateful for life.  I saw my children marry and have their own chidren.  This time, I could not give up before I tried as the eyes of my children and grandchildren were on me.  My husband would never have agreed to not try to overcome this.  Before surgery, I hoped for a car accident in which I would die, so I did not have to face this.  My courage was at an all time low.   There's a couple of quotes, but i have many that I love, that helped me.  "Always seek out the seed of triump in every adversity."  Og Mandino.  "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.  The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid but he who conquers that fear."  Nelson Mandella.     Over the past 10 years I took up the hobby of lampwork.  It's making glass beads.  I've also done glass blowing and kiln formed work.  You use gas and concentrated oxygen to mix a very high powered flame to melt your glass with and shape it.  My first kiln was delivered after waiting for over a year for it, around the time of not quite being diagnosed.  I haven't touched Lampwork, used the kiln or done anything with glass for the past few months.  I've been afraid.  There are two known causes for an adenoid cystic carcinoma.  Asbestos and heavy metal.  I wondered if I had done this to myself.  Was there heavy metal in the fumes of glass making?  I have a reall good ventilation system but still worried.  I've researched but have not found any link so today I'm going back to glass bead making.  I also need to get back to this for the hours in the day drag slowly and give me too much time to contemplate about what lies ahead.   You have to anneale beads in a kiln to make them unbreakable.  As I didn't have a kiln and was still learning, I made tree necklaces for my garden.  I thought I'd make one for my Surgeon who did such a great job in correctly diagnosing me and for the brilliant surgical outcome.  Sorry for the long explanation Phil but as humans, we are so much more than our diagnosis or our current status.  The nurse I saw after Radiation encouraged me to go back to lampwork.  She's going to bring in some glass ear rings she bought and I'm going to bring her in some beads.  There is so much kindness in our world, yet we sometimes forget how important kindness is.  I found this as well when my mother was in a nursing home and it was a really hard time.  The kindness of strangers can bring us to our knees in gratitude.  After surgery, in recovery an unknown woman, possibly a nurse, gave me a tube of paw paw cream and told me to put it on my lips as often as I could.  Great wads of skin came away from my lips for the next few days.  Painlessly.  No cracking or bleeding of lips at all.  I was so grateful to that woman and I may never know who she was.  I keep a spare tube of paw paw on me at all times now in case I see someone who needs it!     Your reply this morning, filled me with gratitude Phil.  Thank you again.  I've learned over the years that it's really important to talk.  We release our anxiety, fear and sadness.  This is a great forum for it too because I can talk to people who are in the same situation, facing a tremendous battle and all the trauma surrounding our diagnosis.  I have great family support but no one wants to talk endlessly about this and I don't want to overload them about my worries and fears.   ... 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Well today was your crying day so I'm happy I made you cry!!!   Sometimes good tears are needed too.   Yes, will keep you updated and please do the same.  We're on a journey that we never volunteered for or bought a ticket to.  What we do from now on, is really important.   ... View more

That's really tough news.  I think you will know much more after Monday.  Research everything you can right now.  Knowledge is power.  See what your options are and ask lots of questions.   I'm really sorry you're going through this with your husband and it's probably going to be a hard journey but just know that there is so much support, research and help that you will be able to get through it.  It also helps to talk about it so please keep us updated and good luck.  (I don't know what else to say.  Good luck?  Maybe - wishing you every success would be better). ... View more

Hi Lehatius   Thank you for your lovely, kind words to my post.  I'm responding to this post because I just wanted tp give you some encouragement.  You're in a really dark place right now because there is so much unknown.  About 40 or more years ago I read a book about cancer and T-cells.  I will have to check if I still have it.  It was about a study done to two different groups of cancer patients.  One group were given dire outcomes for their particular type of cancer and the other group were given support, encouragment and positive advice about their outcomes.  I've never forgotten this book.  Both groups had their T-cells measured each week.  Negative group did poorly.  Positive group did really well.  The point is that positivity, laughter (I KNOW - biit hard to laugh right now) and doing everything you can to fight is really important.     Plan to succeed.  I did but I still went over my own funeral plans with my husband before surgery, just in case and we had a few dark humoured laughs about it.  I told him I could set him a dating profile if he liked and I would highly recommend him as a partner.  I was able to come to terms with the surgery and the hospital by letting go of my anxiety and believing that when I went in to hospital, there were people there who would be intent on giving me all the help I needed and give me the best possible outcome I could hope for.  Which they did.  It was the same with Radiotherapy.  Have just completed first 2 days of 30 in total.  Very anxious as my mouth and neck were not fully healed.  I imagined a blue ray of light hitting the target areas and killing the cancer whilst sending me healing rays to keep my body strong.  It's the same when I have chicken broth.  I imagine all the powerful minerals in it, healing my body and nourishing it.     You can do this and it will be a fight for your life so give it everything you've got.  Research, plan, develop your action plan.  Things you can do before or after treatment which will help you feel good.  Whatever it takes because you just have to come through this.  Schedule your appointments on a big calendar.  Right now all the doctor visits and tests are overwhelming but the more organised you are the less overwhelmed you'll feel.  It's ok to cry today.   Tomorrow will be a better day because you'll be determined to make it so for your husband and son.  Also for yourself.  One day at a time and one foot in front of the other.  That's all any of us can do right now.  Wish you every success for whatever lays ahead and will be thinking of you, so some updates would be great. x ... View more

Hi Phil,   Thank you.  Have put it behind me.  Two days of Radiotherapy completed and everything is going well.  I am hoping my side effects will not be too severe but whatever happens, I'm sure I'll get through it.    I met with the radiation nurse today and talked through some of my concerns and I know there's help for most of the effects.      Hope you're doing really well and continue to do so. ... View more

Hi Claire,   You sound better.  Having your own veggie garden is fabulous.   I can't wait for Spring!  It's my favourite time of the year.  My recovery is going well.  Tough day yesterday for no particular reason.  Just a bit tired of sitting around and healing.  Today I'm going to try doing more normal things.  Radiotherapy starts tomorrow for me so I want to get the house back in order today to be ready for whatever comes next.  My mouth and neck are healing well and my nerve pain is finally under control.  Today is exactly three weeks since surgery.   I have come a long way since then and things are going well.  My mouth will now always look as if I've had a left sided stroke and I speak differently because of the way my lower gum had to be stitched.  I won't be able to hide my surgery apart from wearing a scarf for the scar running down it.  That worries me. Going out and about in the world with my mouth the way it is.  It may look a bit better when I eventually get a lower denture.  I have to remind myself - it could have been much worse.  My body feels strong though and ready for almost anything and that's a good place to be right now.  Good luck with everything that's happening to you and please stay in touch.  It's a great place to talk about things that no one else really wants to talk about.  ... View more

Sorry meant Radiotherapy - not surgery again. ... View more

Hi Maggie, I'm still in the very early stages f recovering from surgery and commencing surgery this week.  I had to do a big shopping epedition a few days after diagnosis to prepare for being away from home and returning after surgery.  I stood in the isle of toothpaste and spent 20 minutes trying to decide what toothpaste to buy.  I'd read that a certain ingredient cause thyroid cancer.  Couldn't remember what the ingredient actually was and really struggled with the toothpaste. I told my husband later and he told me to stop.  I wear dentures.  I clean the dentures with toothpaste and then rinse it off.  The toothpaste doesn't actually go in my mouth.  It made me realise that I had to stop stressing about everything.  The worst had happened.  The diagnosis.  I had to see the diagnosis as lucky because it was picked up early and that gave me a great chance at survival.  Life will be different.  I can't change what has happened.  I can only live my very best life in the future to the best of my ability.     That;s all any of us can do.  Maybe join some groups away from cancer.  When I finish my radiotherapy I'm going to join a group to play mah jong and going back to Tai Chi next year.  Plan a weekend away, a holiday, something you want to learn or an outing of any kind.     I hope you have come through some of your feelings and that life is improving for you every day. ... View more

Thank you for your excellent post.  It is truly inspiring and correct.     Bad things happen but it's how we deal with them personally that is important.  I think everyone wants to fight and give ourselves the best chance possible.  We live in an age where there is so much information at our finger tips, we have to use it.  My surgeon told me not to look up my particular cancer as it would be bad.  I looked it up.  Knowledge is power.  It was bad but I also found stories of people who made it through it and that inspired me.  The knowledge gave me information to make good choices in the initial stages which is where I am right now.     No one knows when the end is coming or that bus that's going to hit us wil arrive.  We all have today though and we can make it the very best day ever.   ... View more