Hey Jill! Glad to see you're still around :) I think anyone dealing with cancer kinda vetoed Christmas and NY. Our Christmas was quiet and NYE, even quieter. I worked until 7, then sat on the couch with Rob, glass of wine in hand and watched DVD's. You've been through so much in such a short period of time, no wonder you feel overwhelmed and overtired! They say carers should make sure they look after themselves but how the hell are you supposed to do that when you have a house to run, kids to look after, a business to run, a patient who tests your patience, then Christmas etc. It's nearly impossible! And then, like you say, when silence finally falls, you're left with yourself. I know this sounds a little extreme, but perhaps see your GP and get some sleeping tablets to help you at least get some sleep. Sometimes I don't know how we manage to get through but we do.. Please take care Jill Jo xxx ... View more

Oh dear. I'm afraid to say that I too, am a crazy cat lady! I have my two beautiful babies who I simply couldn't imagine life without. Mine are brother and sister from the same litter - Elli and Loki. Both are Ragdoll crosses and just give me so much joy in a world full of stress. Loki, my dark chocolate boy, is the smoochier of the two and he loves nothing more than to sleep close to me or follow me around when I'm home. He's quieter than Elli but when he has something to say, we have a little conversation.. Elli, my grey tabby girl, is the princess of the family. She's beautiful, she knows it and she likes to tell everybody constantly. She's affectionate when she feels like it but this seems to be getting more often the older she gets 😉 We also have two dogs but unfortunately for them, I'm more a cat person than a dog person. Cats are just awesome and my two helped me through many a dark day over the past 6 years! Jo xxx ... View more

I must say, it does sound like your manager is just using his position as a power play. Although I don't know him, I get the feeling through you that he relishes watching you in such a fragile situation. I had a major road accident a few years back and I know I certainly went back to work too soon, physically and psychologically, something that I regret even now. Especially given they made me redundant 4 months after returning. If I could do it over, I would have taken another 2-3 weeks to convalesce. I'm proud of you for standing up to your manager though and taking the time that you needed. Don't ever feel guilty or bad for doing what is right for you - without your health (mental or physical), you don't have anything. May I make a suggestion? A few years back, I had a nervous breakdown (along with depression). I started to see a very understanding psychiatrist who deemed me unable to work temporarily. This enabled me to claim a Centrelink benefit (Newstart I think) under an incapacitated capacity. Centrelink recognises that while you can't work, it is only temporary and will pay you while you recover. However, if my memory serves me correct, you can only receive this if your GP or psych fills in the correct paperwork. While it might not be much, it may give you some financial relief while you take the time to get on your feet so to speak. Otherwise, you can always go on stress leave (I do believe you need your GP to indicate that you are stressed due to your working conditions) and therefore your employer must pay you normally until you return. It can be a bit of a double edged sword though. Perhaps speak with your GP or your onc about what is going on, how it is affecting you and what your options are, then make a decision on what feels right for you. But whatever you do, don't put up with crap like that. You deserve so much more than that, especially right now. Take care of yourself. Jo xxx ... View more

Hey Alana Wow, it just keeps getting better doesn't it? I'm sorry to hear about what is going on - as if you didn't have enough going on as it is. Although they are going through something terrible, many cancer patients perhaps do not understand how hard it is for their carers too. Our lives have changed too, we take on the extra burdens to ensure our loved one concentrates on getting well and not to mention the expectations we put on ourselves to stay strong for that person. It's difficult doing so much yet feeling so helpless and the emotions we go through can be crippling at times. And then you throw kids into that mix just to make it even more difficult. It was never going to be an easy road, that's for sure. I wouldn't put much stock in people who have never been in your shoes telling you what you are or must be. How could they possibly understand unless they themselves have been there? Yes, going through cancer is horrible, terrifying and emotional but that doesn't mean that the carer isn't right there with them, they aren't a person too who is entitled to how they feel at any given moment. I'm a depression sufferer myself, having just come out the other side of my second bout of the black cloud. I understand what it is like to be stuck in a void of sadness and aloneness. But as my psych told me, my illness does not give me the right to treat people with no respect or shabbily. It doesn't give me special privileges or rights. Perhaps speak with a social worker and ask them if they can arrange for a counsellor to speak with your husband. He might find it easier to speak with someone who doesn't have an emotional connection to him. Who knows, if you tell him that you and your children are suffering too, he may agree to counselling himself. Maybe seeing a counsellor yourself would give you better ways of coping if he chooses not to see one himself. The kids may benefit too. Just do whatever it is you need to get you through. I wish you all the luck in the world Alana. No one should have to walk around on egg shells, it's a horrible existence. *hugs* Jo xxx ... View more

Hey Jill I was just thinking about you - I hope you are ok. Yeah, I've been really surprised by people's behaviour once Rob was diagnosed but really, I went through it once before with my own accident. I just thought back then it was me LOL. I've culled quite a few friends since Rob's diagnosis, including the crazy bitch above. I just can't give any more of my precious energy away right now but it seems, many do not understand how taxing it is. I thought perhaps I was being too whiney or venting too much but then I thought, what do people expect? My husband has cancer, I'm stressed beyond words and more than anything else, I'm scared. Probably not going to act within normal boundaries when it comes to something like this. So, I'm going to cut myself some slack - anyone else who doesn't feel like I deserve to, can get knotted! Thanks for your advice Jill... everyone here are life savers! Jo xxx ... View more

Hey Julie Tell me about it. I keep thinking 'Maybe I'm the weird one and everyone else is normal'.. but then I think 'No one in their right mind would put up with this shit'. I've spoken to a few friends (Oh yeah, real friends) about the situation and they were all gobsmacked like I was so I figure I'm one of the normal ones :D I can't help but think about it. After reading a few posts here, this sort of behaviour seems to be quite common and I find it really bizarre. *hugs* Jo xxx ... View more

LOL Nicole Please make sure you push my delete button for 2009 while you're at it! Although we got married this year, besides that, it's been a totally shite year which I'd just like to forget. I'm kinda glad I'm not the only one - I was starting to feel as if maybe it was me! Good luck to you for 2010! And if you ever need a shoulder, please come find us! Jo xxx ... View more

Hi Nicole Unbelievable. People are just unbelievable aren't they? I was going to say geez, at least I'm not the only one but that doesnt feel right. It really sucks when people who you thought were friends and at a time when you thought you could count on them the most, aren't the friends you thought they were. When I had a nasty road accident a few years back, I really noticed how many so called friends didn't even bother to come visit me while I was recovering and it hurt. I've noticed with Rob's cancer, that people are REAllY self absorbed! People will call Rob up, wanting him to do something for them - expect him to drop whatever he's doing, do it now and for nothing. They know he's unwell, they know the chemo makes him really tired and that he's got a business of his own. (Rob works for the govt and we have a web design business on the side). But they don't care - they only care about what is going on with them and what they need at that particular moment. Or as like the above, I'm not being attentive enough or I'm venting too much. Well exxxxxxcuuuuuuuuuuuse me. It seems you can't win no matter what you do. I think I'll just stop playing the game. It's distressing for me to think that people are so callous and selfish during a time when all of your energy should be spent trying to save your life (or my husbands life, in my case). Good on you for standing up for yourself though. Bloody hell woman, you deserve it. Life is far too precious to let people's selfishness come before your own needs. Your situation, your life is just as important as anyone else's and don't you forget it! Jo xxx ... View more

LOL! That's hilarious... Rob plays Wii to keep himself amused but even that is getting harder as his fatigue level amps up. The games on FB are great for helping you zone out from all of lifes crap though, aren't they? Even if for only 5 minutes haha.. Thank you, you are right. Personal growth doesn't come without some sort of hurt or pain - we wouldn't grow otherwise, would we? I have always viewed my personal growth with positivity, even though how it has come about has been rather painful and really sucked. I guess this is where hindsight is such a wonderful thing - it sucked at the time but now look what you have gained type thing. I look at Rob having cancer as concreting our relationship, strengthening our bond and aligning our life goals and values. It's been hard, it's really sucked, I've cried at how unfair it feels but it really has enriched our lives in some ways. The same goes for my accident, although I still struggle with this on some days. But again, that all comes down to acceptance as you said. You take the bad with the good. ... View more

Thanks for the message Julie! I did delete her off Facebook, my mobile and anything else I could think of. I just found it rather bizarre that she showed her true colours while I'm so busy helping Rob fight his battle. I've read where other survivors had issues with people after they were diagnosed, perhaps this is our similar experience. Being a survivor myself (road trauma, not cancer), you are right on the money about what is important, even more so with Rob fighting his cancer now. I won't put up with behaviour such as the above as I don't have time for it but my silly brain still won't stop thinking about what drives people to behave like they do. After writing this out, I showed it to Rob, discussed how I felt and I do believe it has highlighted my own personal growth to a point. How much I have changed for the better since my accident, now I have such a stronger sense of myself. LOL @ Mafia Wars. Rob used to play but I don't - I play the casino slots and Bingo though 🙂 I'm trying to resist Farmville.. although think I'll cave in eventually. ... View more