Sorry - somehow my little piece of misery started in the replies section then made it's presence felt in the middle of the anti-depressant comments - an omen??? probably!. Follow the advice of those who know, samex - good luck. ... View more

Sorry - somehow my little piece of misery started in the replies section then made it's presence felt in the middle of the anti-depressant comments - an omen??? probably!. Follow the advice of those who know, samex - good luck. ... View more

Well it has finally happened - I looked at myself in the mirror and it was not me. The person I know to be me has wavy auburn hair, longish eyelashes,nicely shaped eyebrows and a pleasant face. The person looking back at me in the mirror is not me. That person has no eyebrows, very few eyelashes and light auburn fluff on her head - which can be seen through the fluff. Her eyes are haunted and her face is very sad. Tears blind me for a few seconds - how could this have happened in such a short time? I am not and never have been a vain person; I am ordinary looking and am happy with my appearance. I have never had any trouble getting a man, so I'm reasonable. If I went out tonight there would be a man drought wherever I went. I would not and could not humiliate myself in that way. I sound vain now - looks definitely are not everything, but unfortunately or fortunately - however one looks at it - they do help!. I have a disease that is killing me - I have no idea as to the severity - now - until I have my next scan. My chemo treatment seems to be going well even though side effects have resulted in my oral chemo being stopped - and yes I am worried that this will be a set back and recovery and treatment will be extended for a few more months. I want to look in the mirror again and laugh at my funny hair - or lack of - I want to see the positive, happy, carefree face looking back at me. I want to say to that person "THIS IS ALL PART OF GETTING WELL". At this moment I cannot say or do any of that. At this moment I am scared. At this moment I am wondering if this is all going to be in vain and I will not recover. At this moment I am wondering if I am ever going to look normal again. I want to get better. I want my hair and eyebrows and eyelashes to grow back, I want to laugh genuinely and stop putting on an act for everyone. I want to stop being unhappy. I want ME back. ... View more

Hi sailor thanks for the update on the Pain Summit. It sounds as though it was worth the trip - even if it was Canberra!! ... View more

Hi chris I have spoken to you a while ago about my Dad having being my best friend so I am certainly with you. Take the advice of contacting the Cancer Council helpline - I did it alone and when Dad died I came crashing down big time and ended up in hospital. To see the person you love suffering and knowing that there is nothing you can do to alleviate the pain is so horrible and when it is only you seemingly doing all the worrying and not sleeping it makes things even worse - doesn't it. If only I had known about support services for cancer patients and their families - just talking is what I would have needed and wanted and maybe I would have coped better with some support. Please chris don't do it alone anymore get help for you - you will cope better for it. My thoughts are definitely with you. A little something I just remembered - I visited Dad every day as did my sister and her boyfriend, but before he was admitted to hospital it was only me at home looking after and talking to Dad day and night - I was prescribed anti-depressants - they may have worked if I hadn't washed them down with copious quantities of alcohol - big mistake - apparently I was self-medicating so I wouldn't get upset with Dad - that contributed to my hospital admittance!! I can understand your frustration with your brothers - like a head in the sand mentality - I experienced that with my sister on more than one occasion - I could have strangled her. The day before Dad died I was sitting at work hoping I was paying everyone their correct salaries- people dropping in asking about overtime and meal breaks etc then I had the weirdest feeling - still can't explain it, but I rang Cabrini and they said Dad was deteriorating. I was there 1/2hr later and Dad was in agony, the morphine was no longer working. I had known something was wrong but my sister who I had immediately rung to meet me there ,just brushed off my (premonition)- I really needed that!! Sorry chris if this is upsetting you but I think it is a bit of a let go for me writing this; I never had bereavement counselling or any type of counselling and I have been carrying this around for a few months short of 20 years! Dad did pass away in the early hours of the following morning - 6/6/1990. As I feel with you - your Dad will always be with you - as my Dad has always been with me and I truly believe this - I have to! I just wish he had some sort of power to get rid of my cancer - if he could, he WOULD! Take care and don't be sad - our Dad's would want us to remember the good times. ... View more

We are all saying bugger to your news - as you said it was a case of when, not if. Yes an absolute bugger. I truly hope the markers drop before your scan and it was just one of those 'unexplained things'. Thank you for your kind words in response to my very depressed state early this morning - I am sure it was the stupid drugs - I was still wide awake at 6.00 am. I may take your advice re counselling - a few people are making my life a little less bearable than I would like it!! When certain people thought I had very little time left on this planet, they couldn't do enough for me and the kindness displayed was very out of character!! Now as I am feeling better because I have been taken off my 2 weeks of oral chemo due to side effects - the same old 'always doing so much for me' attitude is back. I do not ask for anything - I hate (oh oh) asking for help. Things are done without my knowledge or consultation and I am supposed to be eternally grateful - well I won't be ha !! Anyway sorry sailor this was your news and I have done the take over thing again - dear me- naughty - better not let b-in-law know!! I hope everything goes well for you meeeeow wooof and xxoo ... View more

GREAT news Teach - no surgery I presume? I loved the joke- and as a Catholic - I did what we do best - roared laughing. I am still waiting for the greatest miracle to happen with my nephew when he is told to do something - he does it!!! He would also love the 700 porcupines. I totally agree with having one spouse - monotony - been there hahahahahahahahaha My darling little Grade 1 niece told me a joke about pirates who were growing corn and selling them for 'A buck an ear'(buccaneer). Unfortunately she didn't understand what an ear of corn was nor what a buck is slang for - But she did tell it brilliantly - I explained it to her and she pretended it was funny!! Mrs Birthday Elton I am going to tell my nephew your sons' joke - he will love it. Also samex the farting in your classroom reminded me of a couple of weeks ago when I accidentally (did one) in front of my nephew - he very solemnly explained to me that 'it was toxic and very bad for the environment-we both ended up laughing so much that he couldn't help himself either- very funny. ... View more

sailor sailor sailor - are you being funny or is it really your birthday too?? IF and I mean IF it is your birthday I hope you also had a wonderful day - you deserve it too for all the quotes and information you surprise us with and the fact you are a lovely person AND have a cat! When it was my birthday I was so excited to be alive that I told my age - YOUR TURN!! ha ha And you get a meeeeeow from my gorgeous girl and a woooof from my darling boy. Byee - and how did the conference go? ... View more

To Mrs Elton H A P P Y B I R T H D A Y and I hope you have a wonderful day - even Tulip and Milo (my little dog) send their best meows and barks to you meeeow wooof I am such a dag!!!! This is the day the world was graced with your presence-enjoy it. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooxxxxxxxxxxx ... View more