Hi Roberta You don't have to be strong, you don't have to be positive, you are allowed to feel weak - (after all you're having chemo!) and it is OK to be angry, have negative thoughts and emotions. It is good to acknowledge these things and that you do not have to fit into other peoples image of what they want you to be. Yes trying to live for the moment in the middle of cancer treatment is hard, perhaps you do need to live and hope for the future after treatment. As far as the 'Why me' - I guess it is equally valid to ask why not me. By the time we are 75 one in three men and one on four women will have experienced cancer - there's nothing special about getting cancer, it seems to be a pretty large part of our living. An oncologist once explained it to me that cancer results from mistakes in the replication of the genetic material when cells are dividing. The body is pretty good at repairing mistakes, but when you consider the sheer number of cells that are dividing in our body at any one time, it is really pretty amazing that there is not more cancer. Family and friends do try and do their best most of the time. But remember they think that if you are positive and feel strong you are doing better and besides you are easier to live with. So don;t feel you have to live up to their expectation. If you feel terrible you are allowed to admit it. Regards Sailor Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Kahlil Gibran ... View more