That is amazing to hear Richard! Well done on having the will power to stay strong when all odds were against you. Hopefully the worst is in the past. I have been well, I did some councelling sessions and it helped me adjust my perspective and expectations. I also have new ways to work around my short term memory worries. All something I'm putting into practice to see how it goes. Well, if I dont hear from you, I will assume thats a good thing!  All the best with your family and this very special second chance! ... View more

Hey @Richard1, how are things? It was never an issue that you were venting about your situation, it wasn't bad hearing about it at all, besides feeling your pain. I know it helps me greatly to be able to vent. And it's difficult to vent to people who hasn't gone through this as I feel like I come across pitiable. I hope the lack of messages of late means that things have been on the up? Even gradually? ... View more

You don't have it easy Richard. It seems like everything is a battle and its you against the world - because of the condition you are in. It is inspiring to hear you say that you won't give up despite all of these odds. It doesn't sound easy going through what you are, and I hope you can find strength to continue. I hope and I think this fatigue,  feeling of immense pressure or hopelessness or lack of motivation will subside for you soon. I don't know all of the details of your life, so it might not. But for me, the immense fatigue and lack of motivation was temporary. Its subsided and quite mild now, and 'manageable' although I'm seeking assistance on it. I hope it is just because the treatment is still residual in your system and as your body heals so will some of those symptoms. If the treatment or cancer didn't give you any disablements, I think you might be able to return mostly to your previous state. Not the same as before, Im not and I havent heard anyone has. But the severity of these side effects should hopefully reduce. ... View more

Thank you Miranda, I have been in touch but I did send a question about a cancer council webpage that I visited before that had a list of recommended councellors. I saw one that suited me but I didnt record the details as i assumed I would be able to find the page again. Im having troubld finding that page. Do you know of a page on the cancer council website that shows such a list? ... View more

You're absolutely right. We don't normally think about it that way, but when I think about it, happiness does seem fabricated. Theres no instruction on happiness is there? For me, I was lucky that I have my kids, thats automatic. A given. Just seeing them grow and develop their own personalities simply gives me joy. Its really a blessing I've had. I also have games to immerse myself in. Technically its a waste of time but I justify it by thinking other people who binge watch things aren't exactly more productive either. It's gotten me by the hardest times until I regained enough energy to do more. The scared and vulnerable feeling I have hasnt gone away. Its annoying. Things that would normally be a manageable anxiety is multiplied ten times and I can feel my hands shaking. Public speaking was a manageable fear, but it scares the shit out of me now that I know I just need to avoid coz I'll embarrass myself, but i still do it. It really is annoying, but it is me as I am now and I dont have a choice but to accept and work around it. I also totally agree with what you say about not having to work. Its really hard to build up the motivation to work. Lucky for me, my manager allwed me to take 9 months off, then over a 12 month transtion, do 2 days a week. Then 3 days. 4 days. Then full time. Even now if it wasnt for my kids, it would be hard for me to have motivation to go on. To work. Have you been to the beach? To do the things you mentioned? If not... why not? You might not be able to leave everything behind and stay on the beach but at least you can treat yourself to enjoy that? I think you've earned that. I've earned that. Even if we hadn't earned that, this is not something you need to earn right? I hope nothing is stopping you from being able to do that? Also, are you dealing with any critical pains or disablement from this that you didnt have before? Besides the fatigue etc? Coz its understandable that would hold you back from doing what you wanted. Otherwise, you really do have the right to do what you believe would be joyful. It helps me too, to talk about it. Even just to write a post in a forum like this. My friends ask and we talk about things, but its hard for me to dive really deep into things without feeling selfish about it. So this is a good way for me to find some release of my bothers. If this helps you in any little way, it has helped me too. Feel free to continue sharing your experiences coz it has helped me to find validation and confirmation that I'm not alone. I do acknowledge that I am grateful that I have a reason to live for. And that I've been given this extension. I hope you can find a reason for you to continue too. It doesnt have to be big or major. You are under no obligation to find a major reason to live. But just something you enjoy. Something you like to do. Even if that something seems selfish, I think you deserve to do it, to enjoy it. I've yet to start councelling sessions but I'm hoping that will also help me balance my thinking to be able to deal with the new me. ... View more

Everything you described is the reason why I was looking through these forums. The feeling of inadequacy,  not being at the level we were once at. And the thinking, or over thinking that others are judging and looking down on me. Im looking for councelling to help me re evaluate my new reality. I did have to reconfigure my personal, internal expectations which was hard. To not aim for more successful roles or jobs. To forego the more difficult challenges that would have given me more credibility in my professional life. To accept that I would just get through and do my job as best I can. I'm still tempted by the lure of professional progression but finding it easier when I convince myself that a person in my situation isnt expected to have such high expectations etc. It helps. It also helps when I convince myself that others might talk about their goals and aspirations, but they dont usually meet them. Everyone else is not as successful as they make it out to be. That I am ok with feeling the FOMO, coz I'm not actually missing out. And even if I was missing out, so what? Whats the point of the rat race? Humans simply live a life they have,  and is there even a point to it? Not really... the way I see it,  it doesnt matter if someone lives or dies. Of the billions of lives on this planet, it doesnt really matter in a literal sense. But we are here. We have this life. As scientifically miraculous as it was that we were conceived, we have this life. And cancer could have taken it away from us. A car driving past could have killed us. But we were spared that, and cancer was a warning we received and now we have this second life. I dont owe an explanation to anyone and I dont need to care about what my colleagues might say behind my back (which i over think they might be, but probably arent). Im just living the life i already have and trying to get some joy out of it. Doing things that truly bring me joy, even if its wasteful or useless or needless or selfish. As long as it's not hurting anyone else. My past expectations dont matter though Im always tempted to think about it. This thinking has helped me get through the past few years. Now im seeking councelling to help me continue with another new me. Im certainly not qualified to give you any advice, but I will urge you to try to reconfigure your expectations because its not realistic or fair on you to have those.  You are a new person with new challenges and you shouldnt be expected to have the same expectations as you did before. ... View more

Great to hear you are trying to stay positive. It's an unfair battle for sure. And ur at a disadvantage with everything u do - having a 'normal' conversation with my colleagues is a daily challenge because I have to try really hard to remember the little details of their lives. Remembering to do this and buy that, is hard when ur very forgetful. 100% agree with you that sleeping is nice, I was always sneaking in naps throughout the day when I first finished my treatment. Tidying up sounds good, have you tried tidying up ur photos? I remember going thru and sorting my photos, a surprisingly pleasant experience  ... View more

Hi @Richard1,  It's tough reading what you're going through because I've also been there. Being upfront, I'm browsing these forums because I'm also looking for help - so I don't come to you with a solution, but I do want to share my experience with you with a hope that it might be helpful. I was diagnosed with high-grade Glioblastoma in 2020. I was given less than 2 years to live by Charlie Teo who wanted to dig into my brain to remove the cancer, while pocketing a large sum of money. As you can imagine, this news devastated me and my wife at the time, but lucky I had 2nd and 3rd opinions who disagreed with him. I'm glad I refused and six years on, I am lucky and very very grateful that I live a relatively normal life. But I do recall that immediately after the treatment of radiation and chemo, my life was exactly as you described it. Feeling "hung over" 24/7. Lack of motivation to want to do anything. Difficulty sleeping. Constant fatigue. Loss of ability to have complex thoughts, or it's very tiring to think. Exercise helps for a fraction of a moment but it's so difficult to begin and the effect was short lived. What did help me significantly was to do acupuncture. It might depend on who you do it with, but I found someone that was fantastic. A 1 hour acupuncture helped alleviate the fatigue for 2-3 days. I discovered it 6 months into the treatment. It's also tough to hear that you don't have something to live for. For me, I have two young children and they are literally the reason I continue the battle. I can't imagine it being easy to find something to live for if you feel like you don't have one now. It sounds futile for me to urge you to find a reason, but I will anyway.   I really hope you can find something to live for.   The battle you're experiencing does get easier. I speak from experience. First year is hard but it does get better. If you want to hear about why I'm perusing these forums, just ask. But I don't want to dump this information on you because I know first hand you're going through a period where you don't have a reason to care about other people's issues - and it's absolutely not a fault on your part. I completely understand. ... View more