Hi all,thanks for the replys ive had chemo/operation and am now on herceptin just waiting radiotherapy as delayed because i have not healed from my operation yet, i know i need to do something for my own sanity,i have mentioned to my nurses /docters etc i cant cope with my thoughts at the moment and its getting harder, they didnt say too much except to go to a group therapy(i couldnt do this ive tried once at the beginning but found it hard discussing my details with complete strangers). carl i too feel like im chasing my friends and making all the effort, but likewise there maybe not sure what to say too me, im the same back i feel im depressing them just telling them ive got an appointment, but if it was the other way round i would love too be there as much as they needed it,. claudie/jules i know what your saying is right i feel everything is just building up in my head since diagnosis and i am a little scared of it all blurting out at the wrong time, i feel im my own worst enemy bottling up but when friends distance themselves its made it even harder 4 me too open up too people, i know i have too learn something by this and hopefully can out it too practise even if i am alone. sorry rushing reply my heads spinning and didnt want to write an essay :)x ... View more

Hi DaphneRose I did feel abit better getting most of that out :), i know everything happens for a reason a lifes a big lesson it just hurts having no-one to lean on and the thought our friendships were fake, that hurts as much as having cancer...its just so lonely they were the select few i used to confide in and right now i havent got the guts to ring a helpline for support.i havent tried meditation....but i def need to do something.sometimes its hard enough to put my thoughts into words and i feel silly and selfish as there is someone always worse off than me. my family are smothering me abit by not letting me move without them worrying i do understand there worried but i just cant discuss my thoughts and feelings with them, it would have just be nice to get some contact or quality time with my friends,but now if they did do it i would probably think they have done out of guilt........i hate what im feeling i hate being ill i know i cant change it. i just dont know what to look forward to and as they say postive people have more chance of surviving.....im looking for things to stay positive for but its hard. ... View more

Hi, i have been searching all over for a thread like this since being diagnosed with breast cancer in april 2010. i just dont know what to do anymore. in the beginning i got texts offering support from friends but i foubd out they are just words and they would never follow through regarding offering too listen or be there if i needed it.1 close friend who i always had daily contact with and i have always made sure i am there for 110% when she needed it,started of saying this is our journey we will do it together..then a few months down the line started distancing herself and telling me shes bored of it now,changes every conversation towards herself and made every excuse not to see me or saying she is too busy too text or call,other old friends just wont take my calls or reply on text. i havent asked anything ever from these friends or gone on about my treatment unless they asked 1 question. i just feel an idiot and a bit used for being there the times they needed me. i know they probably dont know what to say or do, but they know me well enough to know a bit of company or a day out would do me a world of good,and i have told them this,they tell me there too busy, so all i can think by this is they really dont care or im not important to them, i love my friends and really thought we were close and dont understand why they are behaving this way, one friend recently got a new boyfriend and just goes on and on about him which is great shes happy but that doesnt mean forget your oldest friends totally. i make out too everyone that im fine,but really i sit in my room 24/7 just thinking and reading on the net(im not a teenager lol) im late 30s, i feel like im going mad when i sleep i have nightmares that im dying while im awake im constantly worrying and working myself up that im losing my friends,i am extremly private and hide my feelings from my family,and i cant go out to meet people due too side effects and i wouldnt be able to face it on my own. Basically i just feel whats the point waking up!!!! ive started drinking too try blocking everything out but i know that doesnt help. im just lost, i cant see anything getting better when i get through treatment i still wont have my friends that i cared for so much and loved.......is this it worried and lonely forever.x ... View more