Sarah, I cant put into words how I feel right now, I've never cried like this before, almost a release. I am angry, I do feel alone and completely lost. Im realizing I've been so busy surviving and raising my kids, that I really haven't had time to process. I'm only righting this to let you know I've read your post, its hit home with me, I'm extremely grateful for your empathy and honesty. I'll get back to you all properly when Ive had time to stabilize my emotions (my hands are shaking and I can see the keys threw my tears right now). Thank you, thank you, thank you ssoooooooooo much guys...... ... View more

Hi guy's n gal,s, I left a post here last night thats disappeared, I dont think it loaded. Anyways I just wanted to let you know, that Im seeing life in a whole new light. I posted yesterday that SteveC should be proud of his scar's, rip his shirt off and strut his stuff! To me there war scar's, something u should be proud of too AmandaC (we fought the most righteous battle). Wat steveC has started here with his post is a selfless act, he opened up and bared his soul, now we're all doing the same. The weight that's been lifted off my shoulder's is just unfathomable believe me. Just the fact I know I can log on here, I wake up milling ...('',)... I've put a lot of thought into the advice I've been given, its help me sort out so much stuff in my head in the last couple of days. I cant help feeling angry at the stuff that's been said to me by the people I once loved. I thought I'd let you guys know something, so u can understand my thinking. When I was 11, my mother my brother's and myself went Christmas shopping. Because we had no car, we where walking to the bus stop. A fatigued driver fell asleep at the wheel and hit my whole family, my mother was killed instantly. I watched the whole thing unfold in front of my feet. From that point in my life I walked alone, foster home to foster home. My father was not fit to take us, he was a very abusive man. This is the reason family means so much to me, probably the only reason I keep the kids mother in there life. What you said AmandaC about her not just leaving me, but she left the kids also.......... Is dead on. I watched my son scream and cry for her in his sleep for hours, for 3 nights. He still has terrible time sleeping, and Ive spent many nights watching him sleep while I cry. I know he's having bad dreams when he's got his fist's clenched. What gets me, is they don't like being with her. Every weekend when she takes one of the kids, they cry some times even beg and try making deals with me not to let them go. Then I have to look this woman in the eye's after she has, left me in my room with the doors shut cause I "cried to much" when I was at my sickest.I don't remember everything about when I was highly medicated, so it scares the hell out of me when something just comes out of nowhere at me. hurts incredibly bad, breaks my heart. I can remember being in bed, needing water and wanting to roll over. But was so sick and weak, that I couldn't even call for help. And she was out on the couch, watching tv and stuffing her face. Or out with her friends cheating on me, in the most hideous ways. Not even trying to hide it, instead showing it off. Telling me "I wished you had just died from it", or telling me to shut up when I woke up late at night crying (it was hard thinking I had been handed a death sentence). Now I feel like I'm getting the strength to just walk away from her alltogther, and just except who and what she is. Start a new life, for my kids sake. ... View more

O.m.g, it takes my breath away, seeing how u all know how I feel. Kind of reminds me of my rugby league days' when U know ur team mate knows exactly how ur feeling, what ur thinking and ur next move. Yea I do feel like I need to hold back Sarah, the ppl in my life ether make me feel weak and pathetic. or the make out like what they've done to me is justifiable yea. So Im going to pass the ball now.......... My partner told me she was going to get me some dvd's but instead hooked up with her current b.f. (he's an immature ignorant s.o.b to boot). She runs me down at every turn, only cause she has to justify her actions (Mr s.o.b is her 4th indiscretion) and she sees me doing well with the kids. My Dad was never there for me ether, the police actually had to track him down. I was terminal, given less then a week to live at that time. So I wanted to say my goodbye's to my father, only to get told Im not worth the money n time (I had even offered to pay his expenses). My life was all about having fun and working hard before I got sick, so all my work mates disappeared. I even see my surf bud's out back wen Im out for a surf, but they just ignore me. Its so incredibly hard for me to look this skinny and ugly, and like CarlC said "It has certainly made me more aware of other people with disabilities and more compassionate." I truly can see the beauty in even the most disfigured person now, and I do, I constantly find strength everyday from other's like me. I just wish the rest of the world would to............ But now Im finding this massive amount of strength off you guy's, I feel like Im going to start my day with a whole new prospective. Thank you, I really mean that. ... View more

@ CarlC & AmandaC >> Thank you so much, it's hard to put into words how you guys have made me feel. Its a strange feeling for me to have ppl not sympathize, but show empathy to my situation hey. Atm Im just cooking dinner for my kids, I rushed on line just so I can answer u guys (got notification on my phn). I'll be right back once there li'l one's are in bed. ... View more

Hi guys, Um I don't even know where to start on this. First I've bn brought to tears reading Steve's and everyone's post's, our lives have bn affected so similar and I thought I was alone on this. My partner left me, my friends bar 1 talk to me. And cause I've had massive facial re con's society now reject me too. plz forgive me if Im rushing this or not bn clear, Ive never had the chance to talk to anyone else in this situation. and I think I'll leave it here and have a breather, I'm so emotional right now. ... View more

Hi guys, Um I don't even know where to start on this. First I've bn brought to tears reading Steve's and everyone's post's, our lives have bn affected so similar and I thought I was alone on this. My partner left me, my friends bar 1 talk to me. And cause I've had massive facial re con's society now reject me too. plz forgive me if Im rushing this or not bn clear, Ive never had the chance to talk to anyone else in this situation. and I think I'll leave it here and have a breather, I'm so emotional right now. ... View more