Hi Elle, Elle, firstly I'm just so sad to hear your story. What a lot for a young couple to deal with. So many "ifs" about what the future holds whilst dealing with immense fear and sadness. I truly am so sorry. What you express about what its like for you is so powerful and very common for people not directly experiencing the cancer but are still jolted and affected by its consequences, both for their loved one and their lives. There is no entitlement about who can be the sad one and who has no right to be sad. Cancer affects every single soul that loves someone who has it as well as those who have it. I remember when I was diagnosed, I sat with my three adult daughters and said, "We're going to need to be real to survive this. There will be times it gets too much for you and you'll be angry, frustrated, just need to walk away. There is no wrong. We will all do what we need to do to survive. That way, I can feel free to get angry, be frustrated and walk away". It was a very important part of our coping with 8 really hard months of fortnightly treatments that nearly killed me on one occasion when I had pneumonia. So just remember, you feel what you feel. Its never wrong. You 'shouldn't' feel anything specifically. And I think if you feel you can share your fear and frustration with your husband, then he will feel free not to be so brave and let go and be exactly however he feels at that moment. Having to pretend to be okay when we're not is a lot like how we feel when others expect us to be back to normal and we're not. It is what it is, and the healthiest place for us to be - and the place that gives us the endurance to last the distance - is to be exactly as we feel. Love Karina ... View more