10 months on....

[Shennanigans]

Where to begin... So much has changed in the 10 months since i lost my dad. but its still so heartbreaking to think about and its something i often think of. Im back in the USA, have been here now since November 2012. initially i was only coming back for 3 months to get some relaxation and quality time with Nick after the dramas that came with executing a will and all that. The biggest change came about in December 2012 just 4 months after loosing my Father i found out that Nick and i were expecting a baby (due september 2013). We also finally tied the knot after 2.5 yrs of an overseas/long distance relationship. It was a very small affair (just 2 other people and i got to wear my jeans !!!) The first 3 months of being pregnant were extremely hard to deal with, not because of morning sickness or anything like that (i got very luck and basically skipped all morning sickness!) I found it hard to handle changing hormones while still grieving my father. i wish my dad was around for whats to come in september... He was always the one i went to when i was scared or hurting or in trouble and with out him i dont know what to do! i know hes with me but its not the same. It pains me that my son (yes we found out its a little boy!!) wont know his grandparents (my parents -- either of them) and nicks parents live so far away that i dont know when he will see them either. I am SUPER excited to hit Australian soil again in March 2014 for my big brothers wedding. Though a 15.5 hr flight (dallas-sydney) with a 6 month old isnt going to be fun LOL. And at least i wont have to do it alone... because nick is finally coming home with me 🙂 and im going to try convincing him that we should move there with in the year. As for the baby, Besides making me crave beer (Hahn super dry!!!!!) i feel he already has some of my better qualities in him that i got from my dad.... The good taste in beer and the ability to throw a good punch/kick (hes a bit of a ninja ha ha ha) Nick and i have decided to give him my father's name "Bruce" as a middle name in honor of my dad. though finding a first name to match bruce wasnt easy... so we are leaning toward Oliver as a first name. but its not set in stone. I guess in so many ways im still missing my dad and i kknow its more then normal. But i dont really have anyone here in the USA who understands what im going through (especially being pregnant and hormonal). I really just needed to get some stuff out. later... Manda