For the last 2 or 3 weeks, I have felt lower than any other time in my life. I have had depression before, but I found I could not stem the flow of tears, everything and anything set me off. I took advice from this forum and went to see GP . Got the happy pills, but as we know, they don't work straight away. However, I woke up yesterday feeling a lot more cheerful because of three things that happened. 1) My son who is in denial, came home and did a thourough clean up of his room, admitted to me he doesn't know what he is doing or where he is at. It turns out my whole family had been talking to him trying to make him understand what is happening. Yes he is an adult , but still a bit of a child emotionally.I think it is a great step for him to admit he is lost. I hope he will seek help soon 2)After taking the happy pills for 2 weeks I think they are finally kicking in. They are helping only a little because the dose is so low. GP worried they will affect my heart. 3)I got a message from my mother while I was in the shower yesterday. Some of you may be sceptical about these things, and that is fine with me. My mother passed away (cancer) 8 years ago. We were very close and I know she is with me on this journey, just like I was for her. When she was alive she always got me out of depression, we would talk and then she would say to me "reagis" ( that is french for react). She believed that by reacting agaisnt depression you can get on top of it. It does work........ to a certain extent. She shouted that word to me in the shower. These three things got me in a better frame of mind , and my daughter and grandaughter arrived from New Zealand (permanently) to be with me. So I now have a goal in life once again. They will need a lot of help to settle in a new country,I have plenty of time to do that and I can enjoy my grandaughter. I also still have so much to teach my daughter. Just got to make sure I hang around long enough to do it. The sadness is still here, tears do escape fairly regularly still, but right now today, I can live with that!
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Deceased
G'day Vinouche So pleased that three good things have happened and that makes things better for you. Good to know that you have some new goals. I have told my oncologists that they have to keep me going long enough that my grandsons will remember their grandfather as someone who did things with them. Fishing, sailing, woodworking here we come!. Cheers Sailor A sailor’s joys are as simple as a child’s. Bernard Moitessier
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Contributor
Good for you! Hope the happy pills keep doing their job and the sun shines a bit brighter for you each day. How wonderful that your daughter and grand daughter are here to stay! Lots of special moments and cuddles to catch up on. Take care of you and enjoy being a Mum and Grand mother! Kind regards, Jill
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Super Contributor
Hey Vinouche How wonderful your post is in so many ways. Of course i am not referring to the fact that you are depressed. Wonderful you have sought help, that your mum sent you a message to "react"against the depression, that your daughter and granddaughter will be nearer to you, that you son is starting to have huge realisations ... wow!! Amazing how one small step can spread far and wide into our lives. :) I had a funny experience recently. A woman came into my sil's shop and i was there helping out. This woman started staring at me and then all of a sudden started saying all these things. There is no way she could have known and a bit difficult to explain here via writing but it was spooky in some ways and yet not in others. She said that my sil's mother was at the shop and she actually named her and then other members of the family ... too much information that was correct for her not to be genuine and also i had never met her before in my life. Very spinny but in a nice way. I have struggled a bit during my recovery for some direction and have done a few things that i never thought i would but it has provided me with a distraction and purpose and now as i get better i am looking for more of a purpose. It is difficult to find something that fits in with where we are at, so that is particularly nice that your daughter and gd is going to be near to you. My son has been terribly confronted over my diagnosis and he has had to grow up in a very short space of time and he was suffering from depression before all of this. Luckily for me he has actually walked forward with things and is actually on a far better track than he was before. He now has his licence and gets himself to work and he is working longer. Although cancer does cause a lot of angst and sadness ... as with anything bad there is always good. 🙂 May we all be able to see some of that good. Julie xo
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Regular Contributor
Vinouche that was lovely to read! I think my happy pills are working too. No tears in over three weeks. Almost had a melt down this morning when I thought I had lost my wallet but I found it and it was all good.There was a surge of panic ,however. I plan on being around to see my boys graduate from uni and hopefully some grandkids at some point but I'm not holding my breath on that one. There are also a lot of places on the bucket list that haven't been ticked off yet. Onward and upward my friends! S
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Super Contributor
Heya S ... how great that things are looking up for you!! Sometimes we have to change habits aswell, least i find i have to change my way of thinking and reacting. I shared with my son that i wanted grandies and he told me i have to wait. haha Ah well, life is good and am so glad you are feeling better. hugsss Julie xo
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Regular Contributor
Hi Jules, As Sailor says, I am managing better. It certainly begs the question, however, of how many of us need some form of medication to come out of this? S
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Super Contributor
Heyy S It astounds me and worries me to the amount of people that are around that arent coping. Only because i hate to see people suffer but then i also believe that there is something wrong with so many people being let lose when all is not well in this particular area. I have seen people so depressed that it has affected their treatment. Something needs to be done and earlier intervention needs to occur imho. Julie xo
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