this sucks

[smartyaligatorp]

6 months of lonliness. The days pass with exhaustion, anger, regret and fear. Time stops, speeds up and all throughout I feel lost. At times, abet few, I feel 'myself', then I am hit with the loss and am taken aback by the grief. I am frightened that time passing will take me away from this and that memories will fade. I am just so angry with all of this!

[kj]

smartyalligatorpants As long as your heart beats the love it holds for your loved one will shine through, and they will be always be a treasured and cherished memory for as long as you live.They will always be remembered. kj

[smartyaligatorp]

today was our wedding anniversary - it would have been 28 years. so difficult even to move from the lounge, so i'll just remain here for the present. easier than pretending all is good when in all respects i am broken. then over the next few weeks i will have to contend with the anniversary of craig's death and then his mother's passing - this pain just never goes away!!!

[smartyaligatorp]

i really can't even remember who i am any more. i use to be a wife - now i'm not. i use to be a daughter in law - gone. i use to be a daughter - no longer. all of these and many more - carer, support, friend, have all been wrenched from the who i was and have left this horrible shell that has no focus, no goals and no purpose. i don't think i can cope with any more.

[little_stitcher]

Hi Amanda, I'm so sorry that this is so terrible. I just wanted to reach out and give you a virtual hug. **hug** love Emiy.

[smartyaligatorp]

now it's over 18 months since my husband died. some days it seems like only a nightmare, others it seems like forever. my ability to focus on anything positive is all a farce. i work, smile, laugh and generally seem okay but that is all an empty shell. i see myself doing normal everyday things and want to scream yell and kick - nothing is normal any more. my screams are silent - there is no one to hear them...no one...no one!

[little_stitcher]

Hi Amanda, I'm glad you posted again. I know there is nothing I can do or say to help, but I'm hearing your screams. love and hugs, Emily