Pretty good.  My husband is now in the process of returning to work (he works in the IT department of a utilities company, so has been working from home since last year anyway) and is building up his fitness slowly.  And I recently got a job after 12months of unemployment (Medical Secretary in a Cardiology Practice), so we're both adapting to working again.  Lockdown is pretty hard, but it's not too different from what we've been doing during his treatment anyway.   ... View more

Hi Darcy, I'm sorry you got removed from C4HWC.  Ellen Sue, the administrator, is usually so understanding and supportive but she's got a real bee in her bonnet about Covid for some reason, and won't allow even the faintest allusion to it.  I find it quite frustrating, because obviously it has made caring for our husbands so much harder and I'm sure we would all like to vent about it.  I think it's because it's an American based group and she tries to keep it totally apolitical, but in America Covid is also a political issue.  I hope you can find some great support soon. x ... View more

Hi Darcy, one of the things I started doing when my husband began his treatment is taking multi-vitamins and trying to get as much sleep as possible.  Obviously sleep can be difficult, but my idea was to shore up my immunity as much as possible so I wouldn't get sick and would stay in as good condition as possible.  Your physical, emotional and mental well being is very important so you can last the distance.  Peer support is also invaluable, and there is also a facebook page I belong to called "Caring for husbands with cancer", I recommend it.  It's very supportive and active, and full of people who have been through what you're going through.  Sending huge hugs, Emily ... View more

OK.  There are probably  still supports available through your partner's treating hospital though.  Check out the social work department or ask his Dr.  Good luck- let us know how you're going!   ... View more

Hi, my name is Emily and my husband was diagnosed with cancer in 2011, we're currently going through treatment for a relapse.  Unfortunately what you're experiencing is really common.  I feel lucky that my husband hasn't been like this, but I know plenty of women who have gone through the same thing with their partners.  I belong to a facebook group 'Caring for Husband's with Cancer' (really recommended- it's a really supportive and active group) and this is one of the most common topics.     The causes of this change of demeanor vary, but generally relate to the disease process itself, medication or poor coping mechanisms.  (I blame the 'boys don't cry' mentality- for people who believe this anger is the only 'acceptable' response men can have to trauma.)  It might be worth discussing it with your husband's doctor, particularly if it's really out of character.  They may be able to pin point and address the cause.  I'm guessing you're in Australia?  If he's being treated in a public hospital your partner should be eligible for some sessions with a hospital Psychologist (if he consents  to see them....) and you may be eligible for some counselling sessions with the hospital Social Worker.  The Social Worker may also be able to link you in with some practical assistance as well.    There is help out there, and you are not alone.  love and hugs, Emily ... View more

I don't hear weak and selfish, I hear great pain and the truth of your humanity coming out. I haven't seen the movie you mentioned, so I don't get the reference, but it does sound like a good metaphor for emotions. You are going through a hugely emotionally gruelling experience. As much as you try to ignore your feelings and carry on there is emotional work you need to do at some stage. Not necessarily talking and hugging and crying, you will find your own method of processing your feelings, but it is there to be done. If you don't deal with your feelings as they come up the work will not go away, it will just be waiting to be done in the future (and if conventional wisdom and my experience is anything to do by, your unresolved emotions will surface at the most inconvenient time). Feeling traumatic emotions takes strength and bravery- use the strength and bravery you already have to acknowlege what you're feeling so you can release it. You've already begun the process with this post, which is great. Nothing you've written is surprising to me- what you are going through is very common when a family member has cancer. There are people here you can vent to, ask questions of and seek understanding from. And we can learn from your strength too. I hope this has been encouraging. Emily ... View more

Hi Ky, unfortunately this is not uncommon during cancer treatment.  A lot of people have trouble processing the trauma of cancer constructively, and there is also the disease process itself and some drugs that can also make people aggressive and  difficult to be around.  You could discuss this with your Mum's doctor (or your own) to see if there is anything they can do to help.  There may also be counselling services for you or your Mum (or both!) available through the hospital, and practical help through the social work department as well.  All in all you are definitely not alone.   Having said all that, you don't have to stay where you and your kids are abused.  There are plenty of resources available to your Mum if you are not able to continue looking after her.  Personally (and this is just my opinion) I do think you need to put your kids welfare first- unless they are older they need looking after more than anyone in this situation.   Good luck with whatever you decide- know that there are resources available to you.  ... View more

Hi DeeDee, unfortunately this is very common. I'm glad you found this forum, it's great to be in contact with people who understand what you're going through. If you're interested there is also a facebook page "Caring for Husband's with Cancer" which is purely dedicated to women whose husbands/boyfriends/partners have cancer. Unlike the Cancer Council they don't have any resources outside of facebook, but it's an extremely supportive and active group with over 1500 members from many different countries. A bit of background on me: My husband is currently undergoing a stem cell transplant at a hospital in Melbourne for a type of non Hodgkin's lymphoma. Sending love and hugs just for you, Emily ... View more

I really feel for you. Like yours, my husband is English and is currently undergoing treatment for lymphoma. We have never been in the position of seriously contemplating this move, but I can just imagine how you feel pulled in two different directions. I haven't got any advice or words of wisdom, I just wanted to drop you a line and give you a 'cyber hug'. love Emily ... View more

Hi JR, unfortunately what you are describing is not uncommon. I belong to a facebook forum ("Caring for husbands with cancer") and quite a few women on it describe that after diagnosis their husband/partner is no longer as emotionally engaged as they were, and can sometimes become abusive. The causes of this are ususally the disease itself, chemotherapy drugs, previous relationship problems becoming heightened, or poor coping mechanisms, although there could be other causes as well. The cause will determine how best to deal with the problem. You would be very welcome to join the facebook forum as well as being here, it is a very supportive and active group of over 1400 women from across the world in a similar situation as you. Sending huge hugs as you go through this. Emily ... View more