Hi Ben, I just wanted to give you a shout out of encouragement- you're doing a wonderful thing.  Emily ... View more

Hi Deb, it definitely sounds like you need some help now - you're burning out.  Is there anywhere you can go, even for a day, just to take a bit of time  for yourself?  I would also strongly recommend discussing the situation with your husband's dr- it may be that his medication  needs to be changing.    I can also recommend joining the facebook group "Caring for Husband's with Cancer"- it's a worldwide group of over 1000 women who are in similar situations to you and I.  They are all very supportive, and because it's such a big group it's very active, too.    Sending huge hugs just for you, Emily ... View more

Hi Deb, I belong to a 'wives of men with cancer' facebook group, and I reckon about 2 women per week post something like this.  It seems that some men are particularly bad at dealing with their cancer and it negatively affects their relationship.  You are definitely not alone!   It may be that your GP or the Cancer Council can link you in with services or resources to help you in practical ways-  it might be worth investigating.   I'd package you up some rest and deliver it to you if I could!  love and hugs, Emily ... View more

I don't have any words of wisdom, just words of encouragement- this is so common it's almost par for the course.  The feelings of guilt, helplessness, anger, frustration, fear and grief are very normal.  The emotional toll of cancer on carers and family is huge, and I think that's only just starting to be recognised.     You deserve and need support to do this. Is there anyone not close to your Mum you can offload to?   If not, this is a great place to vent (you'll probably even find other people whos mother's have cancer on here).  The Cancer council will probably also have some resources you can access.   Your Mum's cancer is not ALL about you, but some of it is.  love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi David,  you could just search something like 'cancer support groups' in google and take it from there.  My husband and I are members of a couple of cancer support groups on facebook, so the 'caring for husbands with cancer' support group appeared on my newsfeed.  I just googled 'cancer support groups for spouses' and a few promising sounding pages came up.  Good luck!   ... View more

Hi David, I'm not in your situation but I know people who are.  I'm part of a Facebook group of women caring for their husbands who have cancer, and a change is attitude and behaviour (for the worse) is sadly common among these men.  Is your wife on steroids?  Often these changes can be caused by the medication people are on.  I would recommend discussing this with your wife's doctor, as they may be able to change her medication to help- and even if it's not the medication you still need support to deal with this.  I can also recommend searching the internet or facebook for a support group for men caring for their wives with cancer- having a spouse with cancer is unlike any other situation, and it's great to talk to people who understand and may be in the same situation as you.  I wish both of you good luck into the future, Emily ... View more

Having a partner with cancer is like no other situation, because usually if something traumatic happens you turn to your partner for support.  I can recommend searching the internet for a partner support network/forum that fits your demographic, you will find support there from people who really understand, even if it's just internet based.    Even though my husband has been in remission for 7 years (stage 4 non-hodgkin's lymphoma) I've been a member of a 'wives of husbands with cancer' facebook group since the start of this year, and it's been really helpful and affirming. I wish I'd found is when he was going through chemo!  I can ask questions unique to my situation and get feedback from people in the same situation, which is great (it's great to know you're not going crazy, this is normal for the circumstances!)   The Cancer Council may even be able to point you to a real life support group, it's definitely worthwhile asking.  I guess the bottom line is you're not alone, there are people you can talk to who understand (including right here in this forum!)   I don't want to give you advice about planning for the future, because we are in different situations with different resources, opportunities and expectations, (I'm a 42 year old woman and have been married for 14 years) but I wish you both good luck.  You are not alone. love and hugs, Emily ... View more

Hi Tom, I'm not really in a similar situation, my husband is in remission from lymphoma, but I just thought I'd drop you a line to say Hi.  I'm glad you found this forum, it's really good to connect to people who understand what you and your family are going through.   Sending good vibes for you all, Emily ... View more

Hi Phoebe, I don't have any advice, I just wanted to give you a big cyber hug.  I'm glad you found this forum, it's a great place to connect with people in similar situations.  love Emily ... View more

Hi BR, it certainly sounds like you've got a huge amount to deal with.  My understanding is that counselling is useful if your emotions or thoughts surrounding a situation are in themselves becoming a problem  (eg worrying so much you can't live your normal life, preoccupation with the situation to the exclusion of your regular tasks, so much sadness you can't get out of bed etc.) Counsellors can help you find new, more constructive tools for dealing with things.   If you are able to function through all this then you may not need counselling, but do take any help that is offered to you (why not make your life as easy as possible!)  It may also be good to debrief with a trusted friend if you can, just to be sure that you are functioning as well as you think you are (I know from experience that stress can warp your perception, and what looks like normal functioning now may not have looked normal before.)  It's great that you've joined this forum, too.   I hope this year gets better at a rate of knots!  love Emily ... View more