Living with someone with Cancer

[DeeDee8]

I would like to know if other people experience what I have , my husband has Prostrate cancer , and it seems like I don’t have a friend in the world , no one drops in anymore and people avoid you , I can’t belive this is happening , why ?

[Budgie]

Hi DeeDee8,

It is common.  I  think it's because people just don't know what to say to you.   They're afraid to ask how things are going because you might actually tell them & they'll feel horrible.   So people basically stop contact.

Considering how widespread cancer is these days, it's actually pretty amazing that people are like this.

Budgie .

[little_stitcher]

Hi DeeDee, unfortunately this is very common. I'm glad you found this forum, it's great to be in contact with people who understand what you're going through. If you're interested there is also a facebook page "Caring for Husband's with Cancer" which is purely dedicated to women whose husbands/boyfriends/partners have cancer. Unlike the Cancer Council they don't have any resources outside of facebook, but it's an extremely supportive and active group with over 1500 members from many different countries. A bit of background on me: My husband is currently undergoing a stem cell transplant at a hospital in Melbourne for a type of non Hodgkin's lymphoma. Sending love and hugs just for you, Emily

[Mrs_Maya]

Dear DeeDee8

That absolutely happens. I had Non-Smokers Lung Cancer, and had a lobectomy last September. People whom I thought were close to me, avoided me. And my husband, like you did not receive the support that I thought certain friends/relatives would give him.

It was very sad time. I had no person to person contact with friends whom I thought would support me. My husband has been wonderful, as have my kids, my mum and step dad. Also, my best friend who currently lives away, was always there on the phone. To this day, I still don't see a lot of the people who were here when I was well. I can only say that it is a valuable lesson in true friendships. I see photos of them on Facebook, having a great time out with other friends. Initially, it hurt. But at least now I know. And believe me, as the months go by, we find newer stronger relationships.

I wish and your husband all forms of healing and strength. We have to keep believing in survival.

Maya

[PeterK]

Hi DeeDee

Back in 2012 when was first diagnosed most of my friends were very supportive however a handful I felt shied away from me

No they did not understand what I was going through but did not even ask I found this sad to some extent as it was there way of dealing with “it” Perjaps they did not want to know the answers or were perhaps to confronted and did not would not dead with it

To those I ask were they really friends as SO many have stood by me and my family the past 7 years

now it’s come back those past friends stand by me and with me on this next journey and these ARE my real friend and the ones I deeply cherish as they are not afraid to ask and nor importantly listen at times

Gather those around YOU that support YOU love and cherish YOU and sadly discard the rest as positive people equals positive actions thoughts and prayers in Your times of need 

Stay positive stay strong stay focused on your goals be they small or big can and are achieved

Rich blessings on you in your journey big hugs as well are such important gestures 

My thoughts and wishes are with you you can be sure of that love each day at a time and You WILL kick many a GOAL I’m sure of that

Kind Regards Peter

[worriedwife]

Sadly I know all to well how you feel. My husband was diagnosed with stage 3 colon cancer in July and for me I have a couple of friends only that check in with me to make sure I am doing ok and some get me out (which I always feel guilty about), Friends that we have had for years don't call anymore, and the ones that do are people that we have never been really close to but they are the ones that call frequently to see how he is doing. One of them have gone through cancer and chemo, a different kind so he knows how he is feeling. We appreciate those calls so much. Family are the others that check in frequently.