It has been one week since I farewell my dearest. 2 weeks since his passing.
The funeral was wonderful, exactly how he would have wanted it. Great friends, family & awesome music.
I managed to say my eulogy, which in itself was a massive achievement. At now 32, I can say I have done a lot of things many others have (travel, kids etc) but I stand proud to know that I have known true love- something many others never experience in their whole lives. I had it for 15 years, and I am a better person because of the whole journey.
I have my moments, today was a little hard- my first valentines day single. It brings a whole new range of emotions which I find extremely hard to control, I have no one that wants to make me feel special & rock my world.
***I'm 32, a mum, and single*** I no longer have someone who adores me & tells me that daily- I struggle with the deep inner thoughts that my subconscious places trying to destroy me from the inside.
I have this fighting need for independence, but yet this constant need for acceptance.
Others around me don't quite understand me, they can't begin to comprehend what I have gone through. They tip toe around me, scared they will make me cry. I joke to lighten the mood, and find myself confusing others even more.
As many of you on here can appreciate -This is something as a carer for your partner that is difficult to come to terms with. You & your needs are no longer important during the CANCER journey.
Not many people can understand the intense need to feel like a lover (not a friend,a carer, a mum etc) and for me (like I'm sure many others) it has been so very long, and I am scared that I don't have ability to do so anymore.
I have taken great solace in music, I've had special friends that listen to me over analyse everything whilst I desperately try to find the real me. A great friend, who came out of the blue, tore my world apart & showed me I could still smile & laugh even though it felt like my insides where collapsing like the world trade towers.
Each day is a new day, sometimes more lonely than others but with time- I know that this too shall pass.
My journey here has ended. This will probably be my last entry, as I start the new journey of discovering Mel.
I, like the world trade centre, will eventually be rebuilt. No longer the same, but hopefully better, stronger & more empowered.
Please feel free to continue to PM, I am always here to help or be a shoulder to cry on.
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.