Yesterday I had to view Ben's body for identification. He was so peaceful, and handsome it was refreshing, sad, but made me smile.
Today is the funeral, I am attempting to say my own eulogy, not sure how I am going to go- but I at least have to try.
It's still very sureal, but very peaceful. Others are more upset than I am, which sometimes makes it hard.
I am a bit lost today- the kids are annoying me because the only way they know how to deal with this is by crying & having tantrums.
I feel like I don't have the patience to deal with them so I walk away and hide alot. Allowing my parents to take control.
They are sleeping over nan's for the first time tonight- it will be the first time in months that I have had an empty house.
Back to reality on Sunday, both my parents are going home & it will be just me & the girls.
