I have had a headache now since the 23rd October - sometimes it is not there for some of the day but most nights I wake with it and lie and worry. Last night it was really bad and I couldn't sleep at all. Today I have not been able to do anything except lie on the couch. It is 4pm and the painkillers seem to have finally worked. If things follow the usual pattern this relief will be short lived.
I was going to call and make an appointment with the oncologist and ask him to book me in for an MRI (our last conversation was that this is all they can do at this stage). I am feeling so lost and worried and miserable right now. My thoughts are jumping ahead to what I can't even verbalise. I want Christmas to be happy - I want to think of next year with a smile. Maybe if I had a test it would be fine but I know I cannot deal with it if the results are what I fear. My daughter and son have said just have it. Easy to say but not so easy for me to do. I am feeling right now of just curling into a ball and disappearing. A cop out I know but I am saying it as I feel. I keep hoping tomorrow the headache will be gone and I won't have to deal with it - but this is now obviously not going to happen. I finished radiation on the 2nd November and was hoping by now to be feeing heaps better. Not feeling like this. I am also trying to cope with ongoing back pain which has also been there for some weeks (with a recent trip to hospital for pain relief after my back went into a spasm) Physio is helping but progress is slow.
I know the decision is mine to make in regard to the MRI but I just wanted to put out there how I am feeling. I don't think my family can really understand how this is affecting me right now.
Decision making has never been one of my strong points.
Maybe I will go and make an appointment with my local Doctor and ask her advice. I just wish all this would go away........I've really had enough.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.