Well ive been back from my trip for just over a week now! and i still have horrible jet lag, tho i am enjoying the wee hours of the morning to myself.
after caring for my dads every need for the last 6 months i feel out of the loop a bit.
He has started eating puree and cereals again! which is great! and has put on about 11kg (9.5 more then when i left)
my Motor Vehicle accident compensation is finally moving in to the "settlement" phase and coming to an end!
But im now thinking about the big picture and what do i do next.
the plan was to move as soon as the settlement happened. and with my dad still sick and nick still waiting for me in the USA i feel horrible with the upcoming decisions i have to make.
words cant express just how much i miss nick. you know how people sometimes mock the idea of a soul mate... well Nick truly is mine and every day im away from him it breaks my heart.
Then i have my dad and brothers here. and while a year ago i was ok with the idea of leaving (and i do want to leave, i dont feel at home in australia anymore) with my dad still fighting the cancer and no idea on what comes next im so confused.
back at the initial visits to the specialists they told us there was no possible cure for the aggressiveness and advanced growth of the cancer, but then my dad responded so well to radiotherapy. While the tumor has not gone it has shrunk by 3/4 of its original size.
in all honesty... i didnt think my settlement would be happening early this year, its been dragged out so long now (almost 2 years) that i was starting to think it would never happen.
while i know nick will wait for me and support me with whatever i need to do, the past 18 months have been hard for us only getting short periods of time together and my dads cancer was a curve ball that no one in my family expected
maybe its the jetlag messing with my emotions... i cant seem to get back to normal this past week... i also am annoyed because it didnt last this long any other time... 8 days of waking up between 2 and 4am seems crazy to me!
anyway ive had my rant and babble.
Take it easy
Manda
