It is nearly end April. My husband will have his 4th round of AVISTAN this Wed. His cancer marker went further down to 437 two weeks ago. The oncology aims to get it down to 100. It will only be of a control management, I guess (continuous chemo but no surgery).
It is ANZAC day that we went to the city to join a few beers with the pipe band members. He has 2 beers, felt really tired but was very pleased when friends came to say hello to him.
I understand we have to accept what's happening and to deal with the process one day at a time. It is just very difficult to do, that's all.
I am always a very independent lady. High esteem. Running 100miles an hour. Suddenly, I am not able to travel away. My husband is always with me. On the positive side, I am lucky to share his journey with me, no matter how long and how rocky it will be.
On the day when he has to attend his daughter's gradation ceremony and I went to explore the suburb on my own. I suddenly was in a panic mode that (OH MY GOD), this is how I will be when he is not around as I am the one wondering on my own. How I miss him ! Then, my thoughts go to the other way: well, he will want me to enjoy life as much as I could, right? So, be it and enjoy!
(I can see how dark thoughts can come so easily and take charge of our emotions. I have to learn how to let his negative go as soon as it comes).
Rainbow blog continuous:-
1) I have accepted that my husband did try his best but there are days when he just didn't want anything to eat at all. At least he tries to drink 2 x supplement drinks when he can't eat anything. I really appreciated his effort.
2) When I am down, I went to the beach or the lake for a walk. I need a break on my own. I sometimes find it easier to walk with my walking-buddy as well. A few chats, a few distracting conversations make my heart comes lighter.
3) I understand it is very important for my husband to be alerted and keep his contact with the outside world as much as he can. He went twice to the Day-Care centre now (if his health allows him to). It gives him a break as well as me. I went to the library to do my tapestry or reading. I enjoy the moments to be on my own. I do.
4) I have made and printed my weekly schedule, so that I am focus on what's happening as well as what I have achieved during the week. (to give myself a booze up). On the paper, I also write:
- Try to do something I enjoy everyday
- Eat 3 fruits a day
- Try to make contact with someone on a daily basis.
- Try to have some short time out for myself and record it down
- Live everyday as if today is the last day of my life
- Find a project to do and concentrate on it
- Find a mentally challenge project
- Relaxation, Meditation
- Positive Thinking. SMILE
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.