I like my counsellor and I feel encouraged that she thinks I'm going well. But I know that sometimes she has misses the point I am trying to make which makes me doubt her. Also, I think the more I get to know her the more I feel reluctant to bring up embarrassing or awkward things or things that will make me cry. Just because while things have been going well lately she has become a bit more like just a person who I chat to instead of a person who tries to say helpful things while I cry buckets of tears of terror. Example of missing the point: when I told her about surgery being postponed at the last minute she was very keen to write a letter of complaint to the hospital. I thought that was a pointless waste of everyone's time as it wasn't like the hospital had done it on purpose. So when I persuaded her that a letter wasn't necessary she concluded that I was fine about the postponement when in fact I would have liked to talk about it because I was still quite disconcerted by it. I don't know what point am I trying to make now. I guess I am wondering how long it is helpful to go to counselling for. And, is it best to keep going to the same counsellor forever, or change after a while? I suppose it is best to stick with the same one as she is learning more about me and it would silly to start fresh with someone else.
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Super Contributor
When I had counselling she told me that I could change counsellors if I wanted .Each week I filled out a rating form about my feelings and at the end I had to rate the effectiveness of the sessions. My gp had told me when I find a counselor to change if I wasn't satisfied. If I want more counselling in the future I am able to ask for the same person or a different one. My counsellor gave me practical ways to alter my thinking and therefore behaviour. I must did out the paperwork and let you know what it's called .Then you can check it out. It's time I looked at it all again to keep me on track. I'll post again soon.
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Contributor
If these people haven't had this kind of surgery even though they are counselors they dont know what they are saying so be patient with them. Also assert yourself if you aren't satisfied. What do you think of this to what I said to you? What I am going to do is take a photo of my chest and hand it over to my doctor and my mental care nurse and say would you like it if it happened to you. This might be for you too.
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Super Contributor
A novel approach,Glenys .My counsellor looked up my cancer before I saw her so she understood a bit better.Even when I see a different gp if my favourite is unavailable I have to explain my cancer as most doctors don't know it.
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Contributor
I would not take a photo of my breast as I would be too scared it would somehow get out into public. Not that the public would care but still. I considered taking a photo before I had the mastecomy so I could remember how it looked but I didn't for that same reason. But, if you're not paranoid like me then maybe that's the way to go. It might help you to be able to explain how you feel if you've got something to show them. Earlier on my counsellor showed me breathing and calming techniques but we haven't done anything like that for months. Maybe I should ask about that next time I'm there. I also keep meaning to investigate about mindfulness therapies and CBT (I think that stands for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy?) but I never get around to actually doing anything about it.
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Occasional Contributor
Hi I also went to a couple of different counsellors and found they all had a different approach. A friend who is a psychologist said if you feel unsatisfied and you feel you are going around in circles you can go to a different therapist. I think one of the problems is firstly finding someone local, then you have to establish a rapport, go through all your history etc. It is all quite time consuming and frustrating, because we need support. I think it is important to feel understood and never feel embarassed about anything. If you feel this way with this person maybe she/he is not tapping into what you are saying. It is so difficult at times as we really need someone to talk to who really can try to understand where we are coiming from.
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Super Contributor
Cognitive behaviour therapy is what I had with my counsellor. Mindfulness was one part of it. It was over a year ago and without looking back at the notes,exercises etc. I am still ok. Still I will get around to it one day.
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Occasional Contributor
To Allicat I have been seeing a Psychologist for a while and yes sometimes I have walked out feeling like it was a waste of time. I wont repeat what the others have said but I think there are some issues that you do need to discuss with your counseller (I have a background in counselling) you need to trust this person so that you can open up to her/him. I was very confused on one occasion after conselling and phoned the cancer connect people - a lovely chap admitted that he had no idea what it would be like to go through what I had been through. Anyway he was very helpful and was able to give me the clarification that I needed. I think we just have so much to deal with in our heads and all the emotions that go with it that sometimes after the sessions when we can think a bit clearer we may have more questions or be confused because we just want to talk it all out with someone that can listen and not be judgmental. Its just hard to find someone that can help us through our time of need. Thats all I will say for now cause im hogging the page! CHEERS
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Contributor
Thanks smellingtheroses - often after my counselling session I feel like discussing the issues raised with someone else. Just to go over "I said this" and "she said that" and what it all means. Actually instead of a one hour session it would be good to have a half hour in the morning and then the other half hour in the afternoon when I've had some time to think!
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Contributor
Hi Allicat, It's good to have a friend like you as I have wanted to put it on line but can't find it and how to do it. I must say to you that I did take a photo of my two breasts before the surgery and now my son doesn't want to get it for me. He has it somewhere in his bed room. I would like to see it and to have my son share it with me as it would be comforting to me I think. I haven't seen it since the surgery and thats 17 months ago. These months have been hectic. You are right that if it got into a public place it wouldn't be right to do so. Glenys 00
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Contributor
Hi Glenys I hope your son will be able to find the photo for you. I hope it can help comfort you and accept your loss and your new body. It must be a hard and awkward thing for your son as well. Allicat
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Contributor
Hi Allicat, The photo hasn't been found and I didn't ask my son if it would be awkward for him. I will plan to do it to ask him if it is awkward for him. Glenys 0
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Contributor
Hi Silly, I am reading a book from Breacan and it ios called "After Cancer A guide to your new life" and it has helped me a lot. Glenys 0
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Contributor
Hi smellingheroses, I have been reading a book and it has helped me a lot. It is called "after cancer a guide to your new life" I got it from Breacan and I am up to chapter 4. I have this book to the 6 of June. I feel it would help you out if you are looking for answers. Glenys 0
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