Not sleeping too well is tiring for me as I go to sleep at 4am. My son Stuart is going head on with his opinions. He says to me to let your breast go as it has gone and get on with it. He wants his old mother back he says the way I was before the cancer. My husband is quite empathic and tries to help where ever he can. But before the cancer I was swimming 3 - 4 times a week down at the pool for two hours at a time. This breast cancer has interupted everything for me as it is quite annoying to me. Between doing the domestic jobs and swimming I was having a ball. Going out quite a lot at the shops and having treats with my son. This is all before the cancer and the diagnoses. I love swimming and losing weight also. Having a spa as it is so nice to have a spa. I was doing 50 laps up the small pool inside in Sunbury. I was doing every thing but not working going anywhere and every where in melbourne with no hesitations. Life was great before the cancer hit me.
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Super Contributor
Two years after my diagnosis my sleeping pattern is still bad. In the beginning I spent abot 4 hours each day /night researching the net ,the only place for information. Now I use sites for support and making friends through chatting . It's mostly about cancer and lining with it. I can see that your son doesn't get it .I don't think my 2 do,but we don't talk about it .Maybe they do .I don't know . Mine are 40 and 31. I imagine if it was a daughter you were talking about she would get it. My daughter shared many worries and thoughts and feelings in the early times but I don't talk as much about it now as she has a family of 4 chidren to think about. I still do all I used to do before but the cancer,which is not cureable is often in the back of my mind. It is life changing. This isn't much help .I am trying to say I understand.
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I don't know what your health is like, so maybe the answer is no, but can't you try a bit of swimming now? It would probably help you to sleep if you could.
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Hi Allicat, I love swimming but feeling annoyed about the cancer it interupted it. I believe that I want to go swimming as it does me good. Then I agree with you that when I do go swimming it will spark me up. We bought a $1200 93 commodore wagen before Christmas and our money is low. I am begging to be a member down at the pool and it will cost us $130 to be a member at the Sunbury pool for 3 months as I am a pensioner. I can't see myself going till May/June. Glenys
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Hi Glenys You can look forward to getting back to swimming in a couple of months then. Maybe you could try something else like just going walking in the meantime. I always feel better after doing some exercise. Best wishes
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At the moment my son Stuart is yelling at me at 2am. I just block my ears to not hear to what he says to me. This cancer is not my fault and Wombat is a darling to point her point of view over as I agree with her totally. It has made me think and I find this good of her to say this to me. It has taken all the dreams, plans, future out of me. But I believe I can bounce back as it will take time to do. Wombats point of view is very good to think about for me to have my life back again soon. This is a life that others would avoid to go on about the surgery in our minds. It is not good to be so strongly negative about it. I want to have plans, dreams and my future back as I love swimming. This time I will put the swimming first before the house work to have fun at the pool. I need this to relax and sleep when I need too. This won't be for me to do this but only for a short time. Glenys. x0
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Hi Silly, I am so sorry to hear that your cancer isn't cureable but it is at the back of your mind. It is life changing and so it is but thanks for trying to understand me. How long have you had it? It seems to me that it has been along way as it has been diagnosed about 6 years. I think I might be right. You haven't told me how long it's been. What a shame for you. What kind is it also? My husband has had cancer too and it's at the back of his mind too. It's great to chat to people as we are all social beings. How do I get back to what I was doing before it all happened? I feel that when I express myself about how I feel to my husband and son they make me feel mad. These feelings I haven't had them in all my life. It's all strange to me also to have these feelings. Glenys.
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Thanks for your comments. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. My cancer is mostly a slow growing one .It can recur often or never ,and it uaually metastesises in the lungs. Some people live a very short time after diagnosis and some a long time. There is no set pattern. I don't worry about it, really . I just think about it . I will save my worrying when and if there is something to worry about.
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Hi Glenys I also have a son he is 18 and I am a single mum, the most devastating thing that I have had to deal with is how he feels about me and my cancer. I dont talk about it to him well he doesnt want to know. Since the cancer - its been 9mths since I was first diagnosed. It hurts so much when he gets angry at me, which is alot of the time. Things seem to be settling down and then he come out with "ever since you got cancer...." its always the same thing he gets angry and then I get upset. I know its not fare but my life has changed and I now spend most of my time taking care of myself and working towards felling better. This is totally NOT what I was going to write im sorry but the reason im on the computer right now at 11pm is because he upset me again so i wont be able to sleep and sorry im just getting it off my chest. So yes i totally understand how yes it is difficult for the child to go through but golly gosh it hurts as a mum to be the brunt of there emotions. And im so over being an inconvenience to others who would rather forget the whole thing every happened Hay feels good to blow off some steam and yes im fine thanks sheers to all my friends So when does the sleeping thing happens??
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I feel sorry how you feel and then your son can't do anything for you. he is unable to do anything for you as my son is the same way. They aren't trained. I do get these feelings myself with my son and then feeling as though he has lost confidence in me. Is this how you feel also that your son has lost confidence in you. These feelings we haven't had them before and they are real so we deal with them as best we can. If you go and read what is on my post you might find something that I really apprecated. It is with wombat to what they said to me might be helpful to you. Glenys
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Hi Allicat, I have been going to sleep earlier now and that is around midnight. It is only sometimes I keep awake till 3 - 4am. I hope you feel OK now too. Please read the first chapter of the book and it will help you a lot. Glenys.
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I am still having trouble getting to sleep. Sometimes I sleep on the sofabed in the living room instead of the bed and that seems to go better. I have a lot of trouble getting up in the morning. The alarm goes off but I just snuggle further down in the bed. Then the cat comes and pokes me in the face until I agree to get up. Sometimes she has annoyed me during the night and I have shut her out and those mornings I fall asleep again instead of getting up. Apart from that I am feeling ok at the moment. I have read the first chapter of the book and it was very good.
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Hi Glenys Is there a hospital near you with a hydrotherapy pool? You may be able to get a referral from your doctor and use the pool at no cost. Your son may be angry with the cancer rather than with you personally, even though that anger gets focused on you. Your illness has probably shaken his world and left him scared for you without his being able to do anything about it. Can you (or a friend or family member) talk to him gently about why he is reacting as he is? He may need some counselling to understand himself. My main support person was terrified throughout my experience, whereas I was fairly calm. I took him to my counselling session more for his sake than mine. I find a teaspoon of honey at night helps me sleep well and have suggested it to many people - only works for some though! Sweet dreams to you 🙂
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Hi Allicat, WOW what did you think of the first chapter of the book and the very first page of it. I thought it was comforting to me to read the 1st chapter and the very first words of it. It brings out that we can't ignore the cancer experience. read page 93 in the book. Its a shame that u can't get to sleep so maybe you are thirsty so drink a cup of water as that is what I do. I go to sleep when I do that. Glenys. 00
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Hi Glenys I have been sleeping better by going to bed earlier. It helps because I don't feel so panicked that I need to get to sleep immediately. I like the book. The first chapter is a good message about accepting the cancer experience rather than trying to ignore it. I also liked when she talked about not wanting to be someone who fussed over every ache and pain. I had a pelvic ultrasound a couple of week ago because of a pain I had. The results were fine and the pain has gone now. The doctor said it was understandable if I was paranoid. Page 93 is interesting. I have wondered but never asked when my cancer would have begun. There must have been a day when I didn't have cancer and then that first cell went wacky and I did have cancer. I have not asked the doctors how long ago that would likely have happened as it is a bit upsetting. They might not be able to answer anyway. Hope you are well.
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Hi Allicat, It takes 10 years to become invasive cancer. It starts out to be small till it becomes invasive over 10 years. Glenys 00
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Hi Allicat, I spoke to Sandra in Breacan last Wednesday and she has had 2 mastectomies and 2 recontructions and I asked her was she still hurt about it and she said yes after 12 years. That tells me that I won't get over it till I pass away. I rang my mother's brother last night to offer him this book that you purchased and he said to me that he is not interested, it's negative, that I have to ignore the experience, so why would I have to do this to ignore the experience? People feel that when the surgery is over the problem is over with breast cancer. This to me is not so. To ignore the experience is like throwing away the breast that was on you and personally like throwing a baby in the river. It's harder for people who have had cancer for them to ignore it as it is easier to try to except it. Ignoring it is harder as it is pushing away the breast that was with you - so precious as it was part of you. I am having trouble excepting it. Glenys. 00
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Hi Glenys I am sorry you are having such a difficult time coming to terms with the loss of your breast. Have you had any beneficial grief and loss counselling? Everyone is different. Sandra may have problems for 12 years, but that does not mean you will also. Two years ago I found lumps in my right breast. I organised appointments to see my GP and had a mammogram and CT scan. Even before the first appointment I had decided that if it was cancer, I would have a double mastectomy - no mucking around. If it was in one I did not want to give it the chance to spread to the other. I felt that there was more to me than a shapely chest and was not interested in a reconstruction. It turned out to be my own aging, lumpy tissue. During the next 12 months I attended two all-day Cancer Council seminars in the country town where I lived at that time, to learn what I could in view of my scare and in case it ever actually happened. I was also trying to get a biopsy on a changing, growing mouth ulcer. It took almost ten months before my concerns were answered with a biopsy diagnosed as a very aggressive squamous cell carcinoma which had spread to the lymph nodes in my neck. I was given various options for treatment and took the most radical which left me with facial disfigurement, and extensive painful, restrictive areas of face, head, neck, shoulder, arm wrist and leg due to surgery, grafts and 30 sessions of radiotherapy. My mouth does not close completely, I have to drink with a straw, often dribble, need to cover my mouth when eating in company and wake often at night with a painful dry mouth with lips, tongue and cheeks stuck together. It was hard, still is, and to a great degree always will be. However, my bottom line is - hey, I am still alive! I still have family and friends whom I love and who love me. I still have wonderful, enjoyable relationships with these people who are so important to me. I also enjoy connections with neighbours and at times strangers in the street. The sun still shines, the flowers still grow, rainbows come after rain and I am living with such a sense of thankfulness, I feel that I glow. My treatment was not perfect - in fact some things were done quite wrongly. My maxillofacial team have decided not to do some things the same way again. They have learnt from their mistakes with me, and their learning will help others in the future, so the problems I am dealing with are not in vain. We all have choices in our lives - we can choose to be negative or positive - and we will live with those choices - black clouds or sunshine. You have suffered loss, but do you really mean to compare the loss of your breast to throwing a baby in a river, or are these words spoken without thought of the continuing impact those words have on your life. If you do think of your breast as having a life of its own prior to its removal, you could think of it as a hero, having sacrificed its life so you could live. What I am trying to say is that you don't have to stay in the difficult emotional place you are now. We can all grow and change our lives for the better. Good blessings and much strength to you, Pamela 🙂
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Allicat,I suspect the doctors would be only making a rough guess if they tried to say when the cancer began. If they could pinpoint it they would be able to treat cancers sooner .
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Pamela ,you have such a sensible attitude ,especially since your cancer was fairly recent . I admire you as I know head and neck cancers are more obvious in their disfigurement. You have learned to deal with eating problems and pain . You have been through so much and are still living with so much . Good on you .
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Thanks Silly. I know there is no answer to that question. My cancer was a fast-growing grade which although that it is actually a bad thing I kind-of liked because it presumably meant I hadn't had cancer for so long. That is fairly screwy logic but it cheers me up so I'm going with it.
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Allicat,whatever makes you feel better is the way to go. Everyone's cancer is a little different . You know as much now as your doctors . Mine is slow growing and they guessed 2 to 3 years before diagnosis . There was for me 9 weeks between diagnosis and final surgery and I was panicking but my surgeon said there was no need to worry as it was slow growing . Afterwards he told me that it would have been in my brain in another 3 months.Now it's gone so that's what's most important.
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I know what you mean about panicking - I was scared when my mastectomy was scheduled 4 weeks later than I had originally been told. That's really scary to think your cancer would have gone to your brain if it hadn't been caught. But good that it was caught. I had known there was something weird with my breast for a while and I had been to the doctor twice before in the preceding year or two about this issue and they said it was ok. I actually had an ultrasound on 2 lumps which turned out to be cysts in the other breast a year before my diagnosis. When I was there I felt like asking for an ultrasound on both sides but I didn't. I could not explain what I thought was weird so I was too embarrassed/unsure to ask as I felt like I was being a hypochondriac. I remember thinking at the time that it would be really annoying if it turned out a year later that I had cancer in the non-ultrasounded breast and that was exactly what happened. So, I wish that I had been more assertive and got an ultrasound on both sides at that time. I don't know if it would have shown up something then but at least it would have removed this element of regret that I now have. But, I guess on the more positive side I can be glad that I did go to the doctor and get it checked out again when I did. The doctor said it was ok when I thought something was dodgy so I think that as it gradually grew I didn't really notice and on those days when I did notice I kept thinking that it was still covered under the doctor's ok. So, really it was a very good thing that there came a day when for some reason I noticed that something was definitely wrong and went to the doctor who this time sent me for an ultrasound on the correct breast. I had an excision biopsy (surgery to remove the lump) and a week later was given the diagnosis.
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Dear Allicat, It was good that you went to get ultrasound done to check there was anything wrong but Doctors are human too as they can make mistakes. Glenys
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Hi Pamela, You are a darling to say what you have said as I agree with it. It is a good way to have to what you have said and that is the way my darling breast had to sacrifice itself for me, for me to live. That is a good way to put it. I will bring this up with my doctor which is the most positive way to take it. Thanks I do have councelling and feeling a lot better too. Notice the time I have written this note to you as I am not asleep. I am tossing so I got sick of it to get on the internet. I want to have a look of what Breacan has in July. Glenys. 000
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Hi Pamela, It is a shame that they did that to you as they are human too and they do make mistakes. Glenys 00
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Hi Pamela, I don't know if there is one near me. You did mention a hydrotherapy pool and that would be nice as they are free you told me. Thanks for mentioning to me. Does it have to be near a hospital too? I am going to have pyhso on my knees or going to see some doctors and nurses at the Craigieburn community centre soon in vic to have maybe surgery on my knees Glenys. 0
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Hi Glenys The pool I went to some years back was in the Wagga Wagga Base Hospital. A referral from my GP allowed twice weekly for 3 months at no cost to me. You would need to check your local hospitals to find out what is available. I don't know what private pools charge or if they have arrangements with Medicare to cover costs. A phone call to a hospital, Medicare or Centrelink may clarify things for you. Best wishes, Pamela 🙂
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Super Contributor
We can truly say that all's well that ends well .
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Hi Pamela Thanking you so much Glenys
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