Last week I got news. It had a Big C in it. I remember the specialists mouth moving but my brain had flitted off into the stratosphere chasing that word that fills people’s minds with sadness, fear and regret- and then I laughed- like some crazy maniacal nutter and calmly but loudly said ‘I knew it, I bloody well knew it, my intuition was screaming something was off and I knew this was coming’.
Trust your gut, if nothing else comes of this- please trust your gut!
Strange to be happy about being right, but anyone who knows me well, knows I’ll take my wins any place I can get them.
So now I stare into it- this thing called cancer. It’s day 5. Stage 2 endometrial cancer (it’s an initial diagnosis I’ve still got CTs and formal staging to go).
This is what I know for know. I’m not ‘fighting’ anything, I’m embracing this as the natural order of things. Some of us get it, some of us don’t. This isn’t war, it’s learning and practice, possibly the most significant opportunity to practice what I’ve been preaching for the last decade or so. As background my husband is Tibetan and was a Buddhist monk for 19 yrs, I’ve been practicing for 20 and we run www.facebook.com/LojongMeditation together.
This is just a dance, an embrace, a moment like any other, and either I will or I won’t be fine...in the long run, the dance won’t matter.
Ultimately what matters is whether throughout this journey we know love. I’ve had people ask me ‘what can I do to help?’ ... the thing I need from my friends and family is to know they’ll be okay, that they’ll grab the people they love and let them know it, they’ll try to be kind, (it’s a struggle for me most days so I’m aware the advice is ripe 🤣), they’ll eat well and with gusto, laugh loud, don’t take anything too seriously and for the love of all things-enjoy what they can. I’ll be doing that, whatever comes.
If I don’t respond it’s cause I’m dancing like it’s 1999. (Please young people google that reference).
Big love, until the next urge to write dramatic prose takes me. You can connect with me on FB or insta @Lehiatus
#cancer #cancerdance #dancer #cancerlife #cancerawareness #love #hope #mindfulness #meditation #joy #truth #tibetanbuddhism #buddhism #life #compassion #lifelessons #live #awareness
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