My girl friend of 17 years was diagnosed wtih bowel cancer in November 2009. In February this year secondary cancer was discovered in her liver and in May she lost the fight due to liver failure.
Its less than 2 months and no doubt peole are trying to look out for but but just about eveyr conversation starts with "how are you doing?
It seems the dumbest question in the world and how do you give people an answer?
Do they really want to know that most nights I cry myself to sleep?
How can you explain to someone the feelings you have when you wake up one morning and know the person you love has gone into liver failure and is about to lose her battle with cancer?
I am haunted every day by the experience of having to dress and take her to the emergency department at the local hospital knowing in my own heart this is goodbye. By this stage of her illness she is unable to communicate with me and I just hope beyond hope she understands how much I don't want to lose her.
At the moment it feels like I am living a nightmare everyday and I hope no one has to go through what I have been through or going through everyday.
When people ask me "how are you doing?" the last thing I want to do is share my nightmare with them and really I just can not image they would have any understanding of the last 7 months of caring and sadly losing the one I love.
