Early days after partner's bowel surgery for rectal cancer

[Valerne]

Hello all, I've been reading people's posts about the caring role of a partner. There is such a helpless/powerless feeling as daily one seeks to understand what may be incomprehensible. How does one not become a 'nagging wife' when you worry? The stress from the diagnosis, to the surgery, and the complications following has been horrendous... Is there a feeling too that for people who are well meaning that they just might not understand that tears and fear are a natural reaction to the trauma of coping with the BIG "C". Sorry, I hope this might make sense...I've become so superstitious these days, not wanting to wear anything black, or to be secure in saying that we can move forward...Hearing one more time, the phrase to 'Stay positive' is a hard one. Is it a process of banning any negative thought as it enters; is it okay to cry in one's private moments? Hey, I've recently joined and I certain appreciate sharing of your insights. Take care and all the best to you and yours....

[vinouche]

It is not possible to be positive all the time, you must allow time for crying and not keep it all insisde, especially if you are the carer, because your partner needs you and you must remain strong for him. So find a special plce you can go to and cry as much as you need. Yes negative thoughts will come in but you can counteract with positive ones. Not everyday will be a bad day, so focus on the good things that happen. S

[Jules2]

The first time i was diagnosed with cancer i decided i was going "to stay positive". It was a complete burden and totally unrealistic in my opinion. Although i do believe we need to be healthy in our outlooks and that includes not focussing on the bad too much, but i prefer to use the term "visiting" those feelings. Visit but dont stay there and as vinouche has said, it is natural and normal to feel sad when you have something to feel sad about. These days i also just try really hard to just focus on today and cross bridges when i need to. Not always easy but it is doable. So in answer to one of your questions, yes it is ok and it is something i do when things get on top of me as they do. Julie

[Valerne]

DEar All, It is a lonely world out there when we or the people we love are cursed with cancer. And not talking about it openly is part of the problem I sometimes think..It's taboo somehow but with the responses that I've received I know I'm not alone. My heartfelt thanks to you for sharing what gets you through.... Best Valerne