This morning a friend reminded me that today is the first day of my new life. No Dennis, no GBM, no hospital, no running around and juggling between providing care, work, and other things else.
I had last Sunday to grief on my own with support from friends on this site and now is the second time that I'm back to my own home and be on my own after he's gone. I still feel OK after an hour. TV is on to keep me company. Dennis's stuff is still lying around the house to keep me company wherever I go. I know I'll have to go through his stuff and get my life back on track like it was back in early August last year. Everyone says there is no need to rush. I don't know where to start anyway. My only concern at the moment is to pass a driving test this Monday. Dennis used to drive me all over the place. Family and friends helped driving us around while he was sick. I started learning to drive in July as I felt I would have to be independent and stand on my own two feet again at some stage.
We had a great sent off for him yesterday at his dad's property and now he rests in peace with his mum. It was a tough day with tears and lots of emotional moments. I had my last look of him and he still looked so good that I only wish he would have grasped for air and continued to breath again. Sadly, he didn't. Everything was well taken care of, thanks to his daughter who tried to deal with the whole thing by keeping herself busy organising the service and other things. I went to check his resting place at the cemetery again after the wake and everything was in order. We set up a fire, cooked steak on our rustic makeshift barbecue and had some wine that he liked. The weather was perfect for the service and our little sent off in the evening within the family was fantastic. We shared our stories with laugh and tear. I feel much better, still have wishful thinking that I would have him back but also know that he's not going anywhere but always with me. I am planning to go back to work on Tuesday, get back to exercise, and continue to live but never a day will go by without me thinking of him.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.