Helping the little ones understand

[purpleangels]

So- My darling husband has been in bed for 10 days out of the last 12. My two children have been yelled at for being too noisy, not going to sleep, not staying in their beds, at least daily......what do I tell them? They are aware that Dad is crook- they are 5 and 3. But it is not fair for him to yell- they don't understand..... They are engaging in what I assume is normal behaviour- fighting with each other, arguing over toys, television programs, where to sit at the dinner table.....but to a sick man in bed, it seems like it is WW3. A fine line I have to tread so I look to support him, but absolutely disagree with yelling and irrational threats to them.... Any advice?

[diannep52]

Hi purpleangels It looks like you are 'the meat in the sandwich'. Kids will be kids, and even though they know that dad is sick, they dont know how sick and they are far too young to understand anyway. Unfortunately the whole world doesn't stop just because we are sick. I am now speaking as a cancer sufferer myself and also as a carer who looked after my mum and dad when they were dying (my mum only 2 years ago). You can certainly talk to your kids and tell them that daddy isnt well and they must try and be quiet - but........whatever you tell them is going to be forgotten within 10 minutes, because they just cant grasp the whole situation. You will have more luck trying to explain to your hubby that you realise that he is sick and feels like crap, but there is no need to be unreasonable where the children are concerned. The other thing that you may be able to suggest is - if he cant tolerate the children at the moment, then maybe he should go into hospital care until he feels a bit better. I know that we sufferers are sometimes not the easiest people to be around due to our treatments, pain, etc - but we also need to realise, especially when there a little kiddies involved, that we cant expect everybody to try and accomodate the way we feel. I wish you well, I think you have a tough time ahead of you. Take care Di 🙂

[#3]

Hi Purpleangels, Hope i don't upset anyone but I would suggest a set of headphones, I have the Gkids around quite a lot and it gets to me, so I go to my room when i have had enough and out on my headset and listen to music or play the piano with them on also, drowns out the noise, wow they are too young to understand. Theys my 10cents worth. Dave

[Sailor]

Hi Purpleangels Use the Cancer Helpline 13 11 20 I've seen some of the resources they have available and some of the advoce they can give. It's good. Cheers Sailor

[SILLY]

Hi, it sounds to me like the children are looking for attention.This doesn't mean you are not giving it . Their life has changed too. They are not getting the same attention from their dad as before so they will miss it and they probably miss him as he was when he was well. It must be hard being the carer and catering for everyone's needs and they all need you so much . This is probably not very helpful but I just want you to know that I understand your plight.Maybe some friend or family member can take the children out occasionally to give you and your husband some quiet time. Some others have offered some ideas that seem helpful . I hope it gets easier . I also understand that if you are teaching you have a lot of school work to do at home at times and that you want to be with your own little ones as much as possible. I was a primary school teacher and loved school holidays with my children , when some mothers whinged about it.

[purpleangels]

Hi All! Once again some great advice! I have found a child psychologist at my local Area Health Service who has worked with our daughter (5YO) and has done wonders.....I have also had a few chats to a psychologist of my own....and once again quite helpful! I think maybe our children may emerge more empathetic and sympathetic to others, which can only be a good thing. PA