Dad has started his chemo this week and so far so good...
As I was chatting to dad today I said (as I did twice last week) how excited I am about seeing him in a few weeks time for his birthday, then the response came "will you be here for my birthday? Oh love, that will be so good, it would be fantastic to have you here for my birthday!", now I am pondering whether he has gone down hill because of the cancer or maybe it is just an age thing...the answer to this I don't know. In many ways, it doesn't worry me, I would love to hear the same reaction from him everyweek.
I have raised the issue with mum because dad has always prided himself on his memory and recall, I have asked her to keep an eye on him and mention it to the doctors on Monday if this is continuing. In fact, for dads sake I will repeat my excitement about his birthday in the next day or two and see if I get the same response.
I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful dad who, along with my mum, guided me to be the person that I am. They are truly inspiring and I take my hat off to them.
My mum blows me away with her calmness and pharmacy/nurse/diary keeper/taxi/wife/mother ability, she loves dad unconditionally and always has time to chat. I could never fault her. Yes she burries her head in the sand when it suits her, dad struggles to explain himself to her with his diagnosis and feelings associated with the diagnosis but still after all these years you can see the love between them.
I wonder how long dad can fight this for - I know that chemo is just to give him some more time and that it won't fix him, I wonder how long he will be able cope for, I wonder so much...I use to keep a diary, but now I type.
I appreciate that I have time to spend with dad and know that it is precious. My husband and I didn't get to spend too much time with his dad before he passed away in January, so we now have a 'have no regrets' way of thinking.
To anyone reading this, sorry to waffle on so much, I think it is my way of offloading and sorting out my thoughts. I have had a day filled with converstations with mum, dad, mother-in-law, forms for solicitors, probate forms etc...and I was just jumbled!
I hope that you all have a weekend full of love and laughter with those closest to you.
Katie 🙂
