First of all, I want to wish everyone here a Merry Christmas. And for those who are grieving, I am sorry for your pain. After losing a loved one during the year ourselves, Christmas isn't really the same without them.
I wrote a blog here a while ago about this situation however, due to it's explosive nature, it was taken down. I was rather angry (ok, I was #*#&**$ livid!)and distressed about the whole saga, I didn't hold back as is my way. However, after some developments, it has been playing on my mind and I wanted to put it down here and get some opinions, because really I'm rather confused.
It all started about a month back between a friend (now ex-friend) and I. To put it lightly, this 'friend' is a bloody drama queen and as I came to know her, I realised that she is one of those people who likes to say things to illicit sympathetic comments out of her friends so she feels better about herself. Until the next time. I don't like this trait in anyone - it makes me feel used and I refuse to enter into stuff like this. Don't get me wrong, when I see a friend in genuine need, I'm there with the tissues, chocolate and shoulder to cry on but I don't like being used so someone can feel better about themselves.
While on Facebook this particular day, I saw a status update from her and her latest relationship crisis. Again. For the hundredth time this year. In public for all and sundry to rip to pieces. For me, I think some things should be handled privately but I guess, not everyone feels this way.
And as usual, I couldn't help but comment. And away we went into a full scale argument. I won't go into detail about it all because after calming down about the whole situation, I wished I had just shut my mouth, deleted her and left it alone. Once again, it's not my way although I wish it was. Damn foot in mouth disease.
In the end, she basically told me that I was using Rob's cancer to gain sympathy for myself. *insert stunned silence here*
This is the part that made me facucking angry!
So I vented, blogged and moved on. All good right?
I went to see my hairdresser (also a friend of 5 years now)to get my artificial dumbness increased (yep, I'm a blonde that goes blonder) recently. I had forgotten that I had introduced the above mental case friend above to my hairdresser until she mentioned that she had seen the mental case the previous week and wasn't happy. Oh boy.
I shall call my hairdresser 'K'. K has recently been diagnosed with skin cancer and is going through a rather ugly divorce - I'm sure most of us here can relate to either of these! She has a young daughter and is trying to keep it together. The mental case - I shall call her 'T'.
To cut a long story short, T screwed K over in a monumentous way and I was quite furious. K is a very giving, generous person who will not speak up when someone treats her shabbily. I, on the other hand, holds no bars, straight into it, what's your caper? I hate unfairness and injustice - I'm a Sagittarian, it's not my fault I swear.
Damn foot in mouth disease. Before I know it, off goes an email to T, asking what the hell? Of course, I get a reply, telling me to mind my own business and a string of excuses for her rather shitty behaviour. I counter with that is no excuse for using someone who is helping you out, you should be ashamed of yourself. Again, a reply which regales our last argument and that I should stop trying to be a martyr.
Of course, this infuriates me. She is a true martyr in every sense of the word and it angers me that she is so blind, she can't see it and then calls me the very thing she embodies. But then I stop and think - do we try to transfer how we really feel about ourselves onto other people so we don't have to deal with it? Or is she doing it because she knows how to push my buttons? Perhaps I have been wallowing in self pity because Rob is ill but I believe I'm more dealing with a situation (or situations if you like) that are rather emotionally overwhelming at times.
At this stage, rational thought takes over and I derisively announce that 'thank you for showing me your shitty personality. At least now I don't have to waste my time on such a toxic, pathetic excuse for a friendship'. I block her email address in my Outlook so I can't receive any more messages from her.
But it has left me... what's the word? Not distressed.. but in a bit of a quandry. Am I perhaps using Rob's illness to gain sympathy? Is that how people perceive me or is it just those few who have their heads up their asses? Am I just so emotionally overwhelmed at times that I vent to release the pressure? Or am I doing it for some sort of pay off? (please tell me, because I'd love to know what it is). Why has this affected me to the level it has?
I think my mind is having trouble wrapping itself around how self absorbed and selfish a person can be. Hard to comprehend how a 'friend' has such little compassion or understanding because their latest drama transcends any problems that someone else is having. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into something so trivial but for some reason, I still feel rather mad about it so perhaps it's not as trivial as I think it is.
I have posted the blog that got taken down, elsewhere if you do want the background on this. But I doubt many are bored enough LOL but in case you are, you can contact me and I'll let you have a read. I'm curious to see what other peoples perceptions and opinions are or if you've been through something similar. And I can't help feel a bit stupid posting this now that I've typed it all out. There are so many people here who are going through so much compared to this trivial bullcrap.
Someone please tell me to shut up... or at least help me take the foot out of my mouth..
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.