The first time I saw my oncologist, he said: " you are going to die, I cannot fix it, I cannot operate. The question is when. What Ican do is make you more comfortable and try to prolong your life".So I have had 2 cycles of chemo 3rd starting Thursday, plus pain drugs and although I have some skin problems , physically I look the same as ever, I still have my hair , I haven't had any significant weight loss and the tumours have shrunk significantly which means the treatment is doing what it set out to do. I think it makes it hard for my family to comprehend that I am sick. I do feel quite well during the week I don't have chemo, just tired a lot, not too much pain, but I am discovering that my body is much more limited in what it can do. I keep having to tell people to slow down when walking as I cannot keep up with them.So yes there are unseen signs that I feel but not much outward ones, which really makes me feel like a fraud. When I read about what a lot of you are going through, I think I am really lucky so far and hope it stays this way, I just wish you all had an easier ride. Reading your stories makes me stronger and a little ashamed about my feelings. I hope I will grow to have your courage. Sylvie
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Hi Vinouche A cancer nurse once said to me "you know, we are really good at making people look well". You can be feeling absolutely awful, fatigued and just wanting to die and people tell you how well you look. Don;t feel a fraud, just be thankful that it is not as bad as it might be. Take it slowly, one day at a time. cheers Sailor Ah to throw off the shackles and fly with the seagulls To where the green waves tumble before a driving sea wind. Eric Bogle, Safe in the Harbour
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