It has now been 12 weeks since my husband died from this insidious disease. Other people are getting on with their lives, the dinners don't appear at the door anymore, the phone doesn't ring. There are no more cards or flowers being delivered. Once the kids are settled in bed, (they now need me to sit with them until they fall asleep), I sit alone on the couch. The tv is on but it doesn't take away the loneliness. I am tired but I hate going to bed, it is so EMPTY. Three weeks ago I thought I was having a heart attack, I had a tightness in my chest and pain going down my left arm. I went to the local hospital emergency department, they did a heart tracer, chest x-ray and blood test - all of which came back clear for any issues with my heart. Perhaps this is just what it feels like to have a broken heart.
9 Comments
Deceased
Hi Mrs Elton My friends who work in this area tell me that this sort of thing is a fairly normal part of the grieving process. They also tell me lots of statistics about the first year following the death of a loved one. I can't remember them and wouldn't put them here anyway. It is like surviving cancer - people just expect you to get on with your life and go back to what was the old normal - it isn't possible. Don't be afraid to get some counselling for yourself, perhaps some grief counselling - if you see your GP you can get it on medicare. I's a tough time at the moment for you and your children. Take care Sailor But the sea is a mighty soul, forever moaning of some great, unshareable sorrow, which shuts it up into itself for all eternity. Lucy Laud Montgomery, Anne’s House of Dreams
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Not applicable
Jill, Hoping that your porcelain heart begin to mend and that the shattered pieces won't leave a scar... I know my dear friend what you are going through somewhat.. I know the emptiness at night, the lost dreams I had for my family,.. going to functions without him..still explaining to some people who don't yet know... that sux big time. May your love for your boys give you strength, may they know what an incredible Mother you are and how you loved their Dad so... I stand and applaud your struggle... for how long I don't know but we can struggle together. Love Wifeyb
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Regular Contributor
Hi Jill, As usual Sailor has sage advice. My friend who dealt with (is dealing with?) the loss of her husband to cancer 5 and a half years ago sought help and this allowed her and her daughters to try to manage their grief. We always come back to concept of normal for both survivors and their loved ones. I can't begin to imagine how that normal is for you and your boys. To you and wifeb, I send hugs and hope that coming here from time to time allows you some peace or at least a place where you don't have to explain yourselves. Take care, S
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Contributor
Dear Jill you will have lots of backward steps before forward steps. please remember to try and take one very small step forward a day and it will eventually get a little better. we are all here for you and will encourage you to take that little steps forward one day at a time. take care my friend Linda xx
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Contributor
hey there, very sorry for your loss... im scared i may have to go through the same thing. They say that grief not only is emotional but physical to... i read a book where one lady said she had aching bones and sore legs.. why not run yourself a hot bath with a good book? that always helps me when im feeling at my worst.. Watching tv is good, try to stay away from depressing movies.. this can only get easier.. it wont happen overnight but it'll happen one day.. you'l move on but you'l never forget which is what you want. You will get through this! xo
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Contributor
Hey Jill After all that time caring for Greg its hard to go back to a "normal" routine. The last few weeks and days were probably all non-stop care. Its been 12 weeks but probably the first 6 passed in a blur. I too had difficulties at the start going to bed. I got so tired I could not function yet I still could not get myself to bed. I spoke to my GP and because I was reluctant to go on sleeping pills (having kids I worried about not hearing them if they needed me), we decided I would try some herbal relaxants. I have tried different combinations and now take 2 cups of herbal tea before bed. I took slightly stronger herbal relaxants for the first 6 months and they ensured not only that I slept but also that I had sleep uninterrupted by dreams. Not many people realise this but grieving is a very tiring process. I myself only recently realised that part of my fatigue is related to the grief burden I carry around. Another thing that surprised me was that my heart physically ached (still aches). I guess I never thought much about grief and perhaps thats why I keep getting surprised by what I am experiencing but I am also learning that all this is normal. I think with time we will learn to cope better and maybe then it will get easier. Hugs to you and your boys Sangeeta
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Contributor
I have been thinking about you a lot lately so jumped online to see if perhaps there was a reason you kept popping into my head. I am sad to see there is. I wish I could take your pain from you, but that would be an arrogant thing to do. You feel this way because you loved so hard, thats who you are Jill. I have added a verse that gave me some comfort when my best friend of 25 years passed away.It took a couple of months to appreciate its meaning as I was still so angry he was gone but I hope it brings you a little comfort as it does me now. It is partly behind my fundraising obsession LOL When I come to the end of the road and the sun has set for me I want no rites in a gloom filled room, why cry for a soul set free Miss me a little but not too long, and not with your head bowed low Remember the love we once shared Love me but let me go For this journey we all must take and each must go alone Its all part of the Masters plan, a step on the road to home When you are lonely and sick at heart Goto the friends we know and bury your sorrow in doing good deeds Miss me but let me go I can only give you virtual hugs but please know your not alone Jill. I am just on the end of a message whenever you need me Thinking of you always Alana
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Not applicable
Jill, I often describe the quiet that comes down the track as a feeling of falling from an 'A-list' celebrity to a 'D-list celebrity'! In the beginning, everyone is calling, delivering dinners, cards, flowers, groceries, invitations and their companionship. And then, all of a sudden, they simply disappear! Life seems to be getting harder (my chest pain seems to be permanent now) yet all my support is gone. I really do understand that we fall down their list of prorities, but gee it sux! I feel so alone and alienated! I desperately want to meet with others in my shoes. When you feel the pain in your chest Jill, close your eyes and take a deep breath in...I think of the Pearl Jam song called 'breathe'....just breathe.... Sally
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Contributor
WOW! Thankyou for your honesty and candour....it has helped me certainly.....ALthough my husband is still here....in broken body anyway, his spirit is challenged and weak..... I am sending you strength and positive vibes for the first anniversary......do what feels right. PA
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