Well this is the first time for me since diagnosis to actually write down my feelings. Being diagnosed on the 23rd of December 2011 wasn't the best of Christmas presents and everything since then has been a whirlwind. Two rounds of Radiotherapy as after the first treatment it came back and that just happened to be my birthday present. Christmas 2012 wasn't much better as the second round of Radiotherapy wasn't successful and I had to go for surgery. Neck dissections aren't much fun. I had to have my surgery on the anniversary of my stillborn son and in the same hospital. I was so upset and I tried to delay it but when you are told it's urgent then perspectives soon get changed. Christmas Day was spent in a hospital bed away from my children. It was extremely hard. Results weren't much better. My life seems to be in 3 month increments. It seems after every treatment you get told we will wait 3 months for a scan. The hard part of that is I have to leave my home as I can't have treatment locally and have to leave for a length of time. I'm in that state once again as the cancer has spread into my veins and no clear margin. Waiting for April seems so far away. I try and go about life as normal as possible as my youngest is only 4. He just gets told that Mummy has a bad bug and the doctors need to take him out. My other children are older and I haven't kept anything from them. I understand that I am lucky as if my time comes to an end at least I can say goodbye to my loved ones and they can say goodbye to me. I'm just grateful I'm here for another day.
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