I am finding it incredibly difficult to find meaning, purpose and motivation since being diagnosed terminal .
I have metastatic breast cancer spread to my lymphatic system. I get incredibly tired, the treatment also has unpleasant side effects which all makes physical activity more difficult. A frustration as I have been a very physical person. I am a single person without children and I wonder if I had a loving family & children to care for would I feel less this pervading pointlessness and purposelessness?
I have been self employed, working in the field of art and creative production. Now even my art can not inspire or motivate me. I feel like I am in limbo, a pointless existance just waiting to die. Lately even being sociable is difficult as I feel such a pressure to always present as “ positive”, and coping. But I really am not coping at all. I do not put stock in social workers or psychologists as I have previously had terrible experiences with these professions. I feel like as a person with a terminal illness I am not allowed to speak of my heartbreak, upset or fears. I still look relatively well and I think this is why so many friends and associates can not relate to what is really happening, but having worked on a palliative ward for cancer patients I know what my future progression in the illness will look like. I am exhausted.
Has anyone else felt anything similar and if so how did or do you push through anD find purpose and motivation? Thank you
