At the moment work knows, as I have many appointments, my husband, two close friends and my two girls.  Its confirmed, so now I need to tell everyone.

 

After seeing the doctor, we head up to Mam and Dads house.

I txt my sister to let her know I was going, and i was going to tell them the bad news.

I had mentioned to my sister weeks ago I may have cancer, when they picked it up at the local hospital in the chest xray, but had'nt talked to her since.  I was absent minded, i should not of told her in a txt.

 

We arrive at the house, and I am prepared, and will not cry.  Dad comes walking along the path to meet up, I break down, the tears flow, i  cant talk.  I manage to tell Dad to come inside so I can tell them both at the same time.

 

They both sit and listen while I tell them from the beginning, Mam interupting and saying ohh its you heart, I say no, and tell her about the breasts, she says ohhh its your breasts, I say no, and by now she is concerned, I tell them I have lung cancer.

 

My sister walked in the door, she had been crying, Mam was crying, Dad was holding back the tears and so was my husband.

 

We talked about everything, and how i was due to see the surgeon and have an operation.

 

We talked about the chain of events, no symptoms, all i needed was a medical certificate for work, but because of a faulty ECG Printer, they discover I have lung cancer.  Breasts still need to be  checked.

 

I could tell they were being strong for me, and I was being strong for them.

Inside we were all guttered.

 

We went home, my youngest daugher told her brothers for me.

Everyone is going to be strong.

 

On Mothers day all the kids and Mam and Dad came over, we talked about it, but I dont think they are as strong as they say.  is it they wont cry around me, as they dont want to make me sad.  They can cry if they need to, I cry, but only when I  am alone or with my husband.

 

Why is he not showing any emotion? Does he think I am going to die?  I need him to talk about this.

Its not a maybe you have cancer, its You have cancer, the big C

 

But I am one of the luck ones, they can removed it.

 

At work no one tip toes around me, they know i have cancer, and they are very supportive.  There are a few that pretend they dont know, so they dont have to mention it, as they dont know what to say.

 

Please talk to me about cancer, I have lung cancer and I am scared stiff.

 

I start to look at my faith as a Catholic, I dont go to church anymore, but I still believe there is a heaven, and a hell.  My husband tells me there is nothing there, we just die.  He needs to realise I need faith in what i have been taught, that there is something on ther side.  I have cancer, if I do die, I want to know my family are on the other side waiting for me.

 

I need my husband to open up, is he as scared as me, or is he treating it like its just the flu, and I will get over it.  I dont like him being quiet, he needs to talk, we need to talk.

1 Comment
Contributor

Hi Frankie,

 

It's just the worst thing to tell your family.  Husbands are difficult too!  Mine seemed to shut down.  He just didn't seem to be able to talk to me.  Many times I had to ask him what he was thinking about and he would say his thoughts were all over the place.  Evenutally it settled and we were able to talk about the what ifs..  What if I died on the operating table? Always a possibility.  What would I want for my funeral and everything that goes along with it.  

 

One day, just a few days out of hospital, I'd had a long, painful day and just wanted him home.  He was home for a little while then raced off.  I rang one of my daughters and told her he was driving me mad.  She called him.  He came home and told me that he had to get me the juicer from our son.  I had no fruit yet to put in the juicer.  It had not been urgent.  He explained.  It was the one thing he could do for me.  Men like to solve the problem with action and it's really hard for them to feel helpless about how to fix you or make you feel better with cancer.  That's not easy for anyone let alone the person who loves you the most on this earth.  

 

It's also really hard for them to take in all the information.  I told my husband something in hospital which he said I definitely had not told him but I definitely had.  I think there was just too much information for him to process so he blocked out some of the parts he didn't want to know.  He's taking two days off at the end of this week because, believe it or not. mentally, he went through far more stress than I did.  I just let him believe that because it makes him feel better.  I am sure it is stressful watching someone you love go through something horrific.    

 

I wish you every success for the future.

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