I went and visited with my Dad today. I have four children at home, so we all went over. He came out of his room and sat with us and I feel it was good for him, he was smiling and every one that he has is precious. I spent a little time with my Dad on my own, I wanted to ask him so many questions, mainly about how he was feeling, but he has never been easy to talk to about such things and even cancer cannot change him. I feel he has given up, accepting that there is nothing more to be done and now all he does is wait. I do understand that medically they say they can do nothing more, but I fear that hearing this has taken all hope from my Dad. I am not in denial so much as I am scared that mind over matter in these things is a very powerful evil! Although if it was me in the same position, I don't know how I would react. I still cannot process that he may not be here for much longer. I asked him if there was anything he wanted and he said there wasn't. The father I have always known is still there inwardly, but outwardly, he is gone and all that is left is a shell of his former self. He has never been a demonstrative man, but all I want to do is hug him, but that makes him uncomfortable and it can be painful. We have never been close as father and daughter but I wanted to make sure that I have always loved him, and not just now because he is sick. He said he knows, I just hope he does.
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Hi DizzyDee, I have lost loved ones to cancer and Im a 4 year cancer survivor. I just wanted to say that in my experience the person with the illness usually always finds peace and acceptance before the end, it's usually the family who have not. When someone is terminal they go through their own stages of grief, and acceptance is one of those stages. It is awful for family and friends, who think the person they love has given up fighting when its actually part of a natural process they must go through. You know as a parent that your children love you, just like your father knows you love him. Try and laugh about happy times Im sure he will let you know what he needs. None of us know when our number is up, we just have to be happy and thankful for each day we have together. I hope that helps. Butterfly
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Hi there. I know how you must be feeling - pretty much the same as me. My 83yr old dad lives quite a distance from me but has been here the past 12 days and has only gone home today - and boy do I miss him. He had a bad fall when here and sleeps most of the time and like you I have many questions to ask him but he keeps saying "Iam not sick I have a lot longer to go"- even when I know he doesn't.It was so so hard saying goodbye today as I don't know if I will see him again!. I'm sure like my dad your dad knows you love him and as I found these past 12 days just sitting back and chatting about old times has done us both the world of good. I even heard stories from dad that I have never heard before. Spend as much time with your dad as possible. Take care Chris
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DizzyDee, My husband is terminal, he has just passed the 'time-frame' the Dr gave us back in December. My husband tells me he has no issue with dying, except that he won't get to see our young sons grow up and be a part of their life (occasionally I get a mention too!). He tells me does not need to talk, he will say something if he has something to say. I struggle with that, because I am (and always have been) a talker. I struggle with the feeling that I have already lost him and he is still beside me. I grieve for the loss of the relationship we had and for the future we thought we had. Cancer is in his body but it has invaded the lives of our two young sons and me as well. Nothing is as it was and that is very sad. I am confident that he knows we all love him and I am confident that he loves us, even though his words are few. Be confident in your love for your Dad and his for you, we have no idea how confronting this is for the 'patient', we are all unique and have to deal with things in our own way. If his way doesn't quite match your way, then come and vent here to us, so that when you are communicating with him, the space is open for him to give and receive whatever he can. Take care, Jill
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Thank you all for your comments. Jill I too am a talker, I am a slave to my emotions and keeping it together around my Dad is difficult. He seems to be able to talk honestly to me and I suppose I am grateful for that. I say I suppose because I am not sure if I am the one he should be being honest with. But if he wants to then I shall be there for him.
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Hi DizzyDee, What do you think would happen if you didn't 'keep it together' when you are with your Dad??
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