Well, we have now completed day 2 of radiation. Ben was great yesterday, very tired today, & a bit naseated.
Reality hit, when I had to undress him & put him to bed tonight. Is this what my life is going to be? God, I pray for a miracle every day, please give me the miracle my family needs.
My eldest daughter who is 3 is struggling, she was very emotional today. She knows dad is sick, and up till now she has played it off with offers of bandaids & cold glasses of water. But today, I think it has hit home as much as it can to a 3 year old.
I'm strong, and I cope but some days, when I stop, and finally get 5 minutes on my own I feel scared. I feel scared of the unknown, I feel scared that I am not going to be enough for my girls. And I feel sad that there is a high chance they won't know their dad, or at least their real dad before this tumour stole him.
I am extremely blessed, his brother isn't working at the moment & is driving him to and from radiation. This in itself is a massive help, nothing like driving an hour and waiting around with 2 young children at dinner time.
I sit on my own tonight for the first time in nearly 7 months, lets hope once the radiation is completed in 6 weeks time, I'll have my soul mate next to me back to normal and hopefully kicking this tumour's butt!!!
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.