Well, we have now completed day 2 of radiation. Ben was great yesterday, very tired today, & a bit naseated.
Reality hit, when I had to undress him & put him to bed tonight. Is this what my life is going to be? God, I pray for a miracle every day, please give me the miracle my family needs.
My eldest daughter who is 3 is struggling, she was very emotional today. She knows dad is sick, and up till now she has played it off with offers of bandaids & cold glasses of water. But today, I think it has hit home as much as it can to a 3 year old.
I'm strong, and I cope but some days, when I stop, and finally get 5 minutes on my own I feel scared. I feel scared of the unknown, I feel scared that I am not going to be enough for my girls. And I feel sad that there is a high chance they won't know their dad, or at least their real dad before this tumour stole him.
I am extremely blessed, his brother isn't working at the moment & is driving him to and from radiation. This in itself is a massive help, nothing like driving an hour and waiting around with 2 young children at dinner time.
I sit on my own tonight for the first time in nearly 7 months, lets hope once the radiation is completed in 6 weeks time, I'll have my soul mate next to me back to normal and hopefully kicking this tumour's butt!!!
