It has been two weeks since my darling Greg died. Where do I start? My mind has so much going through it, I feel like I need to share so much, but I am afraid that in doing so, I may create fear or pain for someone else. Someone, who may be heading down the same path, someone who has just started their journey or someone whose footsteps have echoed ours. Cancer is cruel. Once it has touched you, directly or indirectly as a carer/family member, your life is never going to be the same again. I don't want to take away people's hope, not everyone will have the same outcome as we did.......I hope the ones who make it through and out the other side are the majority. For now let me share this....... - I feel relief that Greg is no longer sufferring. - I feel proud that I could honour his wishes and care for him in our home (with much support from Silver Chain and friends) to the very end. - I found strength came when I felt that I had none left. - I have a vivid memory of his face from when I said goodbye for the last time. It is not the memory I want to have. - It was nothing like they show you in the movies/tv. - The last 72 hours were tough but the final 18 were the very hardest. - The novelty of flowers arriving wears off very quickly. - When a heart is no longer beating, the body gets cold very quickly. - Children are amazing, they are resilient, they are honest, they are what keeps you going. - Hugs are important. - so are nice thick tissues or freshly pressed hankies - so is chocolate! - Friends will surprise you, mostly in good ways but sometimes by their inability to offer support. - the empty chair/side of the bed can be very confronting. - tears are good, but so is laughter. Things are different now, it is new and scary, it will be challenging but we've come this far and we will be OK. Best wishes to you all, Jill
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Super Contributor
Hi Jill Thanks for letting us know how you and the boys are going. I think we all feel a bit "iffy" about typing things at times, just in case someone else isnt doing as well or coping - I know i do! It was fantastic to read that the boys have gone back to school which gives them some sort of normality back. ALso great to see that you have a balance going with the tears and laughter. 🙂 I am doing volunteer work one day a week at the local hospital for the pastoral care dept. It is rather nice to be able to forget about my situation for just a short period of time. Burying one's head occasionally can be a good thing! Ok, time for me to get this day on the road - I have to vacuum because I am having "witchy" (as i call her - my sil's cat) come to stay for 10 days and don't want to freak her out with the noise. This cat has a love hate relationship with me, she loves to bite me. lol Take care Jill and talk soon. Julie xo
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New Contributor
Hi Jill Glad to hear that you are coping a bit better and that your boys are back at school. I wanted to send you a message (personal) but I just couldn't see how to do it ....don't know why ....I must be more computer illiterate than I thought. Anyway ..my thoughts are with you. I think of you and your family often. Stay strong and do keep in touch with us. Kind regards, Willow. xoxo
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Regular Contributor
Hi Jill, From what you have shown us I feel that your strength will help you and your boys out the other side. Nothing will ever be the same - that is the reality but I guess it is what we do with it, that counts. As a survivor, I feel privileged that you allowed us into your lives at this time and I hope that at times, we were able to help you through some of the worst times. Cyber friends can never replace the 'real" ones, however, but sometimes I think they understand a little more. I have lost too many "real" and "cyber" friends to this disease in the past 5 years to ever think that there is any rhyme or reason to it.All I know is, that being able to write here with people who understand the anguish has helped me and I hope that occasionally we may have helped you and your boys. Please take care and pop in from time to time and let us know how you are faring. Take care of yourselves, Samex
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Contributor
Hi Jill i want to thank you for allowing us to be a part of you life. it must have been very hard at times. you have helped so many on this site and i hope you will still join us as time goes on. you are a special lady who had time for others while going thro your own pain. thank you for that. Linda xx
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dear jill,thank you for sharing your truths with us.what an honest insight .my heart goes out to you and your family.i send out strenght to you also. bigmumma x
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Contributor
Thanks for sharing. You always put so much of yourself into your posts. I wonder if you truly know how many of us you have helped. I hope I have been able to help you even a smidge as much as you have helped me. Think about you and your boys all the time and hope that things are not to hard. Take care Jill. We are all blessed to have had contact with you even if it is because of that awful C word. Yoiu are a very special lady Alana xxx
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