After reading Sailors' blog about 'not doing opiates', I decided to tell my opiate experience and CATS does not do opiates either!! Ketamine. Morphine. Oxycontin. Welcome to my nightmare. Breathing tubes, breathing masks - waking after hours of drug induced sleep - confusion, pain, panic, terror, pushing people away, crying, clawing the air - "NO" I scream; "PLEASE DON'T PUT THAT ON ME". "It's for your own good". How many times would I hear those 3 terrifying words - your own good? Where am I? Why am I in agony? Tubes in my arms, my hands, something wrapped around my neck, clutching a small object, pressing pressing it - why? What has happened to me- my stomach hurts so much - I want all the pain to go away- I want to die. Leave me alone. My mouth is dry. I can't swallow. Water please I croak. Ice chips on my lips, I suck greedily - more more. No more until later. What are these people doing to me - how can they let me suffer like this. Tears run down my face, I cough, I gasp for air. A mask is put over my mouth and nose. I can't breathe. I struggle - I can't move. I am being held down- "for your own good". Welcome to my nightmare. I have just survived major surgery. I have been violated and brutalised in order to save my life- I want to die. Nothing makes any sense to me, I look at the clock on the wall- 9.30. A while later I look again- 9.30. I say the clock has stopped- it has not.The coctail of drugs are interfering with my ability to understand,to reason,to think! It is still 9.30. My mind is drugged and foggy- I have no concept of time, of anything - I have lost a week from my life. I cannot remember anything leading up to now. Faces and noises flash through my mind but I cannot concentrate- nothing is real. Alice Cooper obviously knew what he was talking about when he performed "Welcome To My Nightmare" - I now know too.
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