After reading Sailors' blog about 'not doing opiates', I decided to tell my opiate experience and CATS does not do opiates either!!
Ketamine. Morphine. Oxycontin. Welcome to my nightmare.
Breathing tubes, breathing masks - waking after hours of drug induced sleep - confusion, pain, panic, terror, pushing people away, crying, clawing the air - "NO" I scream; "PLEASE DON'T PUT THAT ON ME".
"It's for your own good". How many times would I hear those 3 terrifying words - your own good?
Where am I? Why am I in agony? Tubes in my arms, my hands, something wrapped around my neck, clutching a small object, pressing pressing it - why? What has happened to me- my stomach hurts so much - I want all the pain to go away- I want to die. Leave me alone.
My mouth is dry. I can't swallow. Water please I croak. Ice chips on my lips, I suck greedily - more more. No more until later. What are these people doing to me - how can they let me suffer like this. Tears run down my face, I cough, I gasp for air. A mask is put over my mouth and nose. I can't breathe. I struggle - I can't move. I am being held down- "for your own good".
Welcome to my nightmare.
I have just survived major surgery. I have been violated and brutalised in order to save my life- I want to die.
Nothing makes any sense to me, I look at the clock on the wall-
9.30. A while later I look again- 9.30. I say the clock has stopped- it has not.The coctail of drugs are interfering
with my ability to understand,to reason,to think! It is still 9.30.
My mind is drugged and foggy- I have no concept of time, of anything - I have lost a week from my life. I cannot remember anything leading up to now. Faces and noises flash through my mind but I cannot concentrate- nothing is real.
Alice Cooper obviously knew what he was talking about when he performed "Welcome To My Nightmare" - I now know too.
Cancer Council NSW would like to acknowledge the traditional custodians of the land on which we live and work.We would also like to pay respect to elders past and present and extend that respect to all other Aboriginal people.