Well the anxiety has finally settled in for good.

[jsbach]

This week has not been overly good. It turned out my anxiety levels had been rising since Saturday. Things got gradually work on the Sunday and then calumniated with a major anxiety attack on Monday night. I hadn't been that scared for a ver, very, very long time. Thankfully my wife was around and she called that ambulance service who turned up very quickly.They quickly plugged my up to all the machines to monitor vitals and while they were there things began to retune to normal. When the finally left everything was back to normal. So they offered a choice go to out patience and pick up and infection or stay home and not get an infection. I stayed but informed them that if it occurred again, I would go direct to hospital. It turned out to be a major anxiety attack brought on by everything that was happening this week and knowing very little about what was going to happen. Tuesday I had my port fitted.The theatre nurse was very good and my anxiety faded while she was explaining things to me , that is the procedure and the actual device. She was most helpful. Wednesday the Folfox started. Here too the nurse was very useful. She noticed I was anxious and gave me something to calm me. Once I was calmer, she took me over and then began the process, each time explaining what she was doing. The day finished well and I was sent on my way with the third nipple and various medications including some anti anxiety tablets. I was feeling al little overwhelmed in a good way (if you know what I mean( The trip home was lovely. The volunteer driver was a lovely lady to chat to. Pulling in the drive was great, waved good bye and turned around and saw that we hadn't put the rubbish bin out. That then started another attack. Getting inside, I realised I couldn't find my back support no matter where I looked. Things just got worse from here and another major attack was starting to develop. Once again, my wife came to my rescue, the chemo unit had called her to say that they had included the anti anxiety tablet in my medication and could she collect them. She did. I was so happy to see her when she came inside. This morning wasn't good. Party due to not having had enough sleep, partly due to anxiety. I went to plug in an extension chord and I couldn't do it. It just didn't want to go in. After 5 minutes, I ended up crying my eyes out. Thankfully, this afternoon I have now finally got an appointment with a clinical psych and, to the best of me knowledge am not going to be called in for other chemo/cancer tests. I've already had to dance; three other appointments. It's been really hard doing it without having a professional to talk to. I also need to ask about medication to control these none more and more constant anxiety attacks. THis has become a two part in one post. I'm now back from the shrink and can't say that this was a particularly useful visit . She spent a lot of time talking about how anxiety and fear are different, before then given my self methods on how the control the anxiety once it had started. Most if the these I was already doing. Every the subject of how to reduce the number of attacks was mentioned, it was dismiss fairly quickly. To be honest, I am giving here one more season for her to improve and start talking things like who can I/what can i take? / what should i do. If it doesn't happen, I guess I will be moving on to in another one. On positive note, even considered i will have the one drug being pumped through at the moment. I haven't experienced any of the early onset of the other ones. So am keeping guy fingers crossed and touching wood take care all TIm