I've been a survivor for one year now. It still feels like yesterday and the emotional wounds are still raw. People don't see those. I have a wooper of a scar on my left thigh after the egg sized sarcoma tumour has been removed. I now walk with a limp at 37 years old and I will never be able to run and chase my three year daughter when she is playing at the park.
To everyone else things are back to normal. I'm alive. I survived the 6 weeks of radiotherapy and the operation. What they don't see is the difficulty in day to day tasks. The inability to do the most "normal" things. The three monthly tests and the emotional lead up is horrific. The aching at night from being on my feet all day. Don't get me wrong, I'm bloodly thankful I'm here. Everyday I wake up and I'm thankful for another day. I just miss my old life. I miss the old me. The one that had energy, the one who didn't get irritable over small things, the one who was super flexible and naturally good at Yoga, the one who had confidence, the one who laughed a lot, the one who felt physically beautiful naked, the one who had a promising career, the one who considered having more babies....it's all gone. I now have to learn to love the new me and learn how to live with the new me...so that it feels normal...whatever that may be.
