“And when are you going to, you know, die”, she said with discerning tactlessness. Do you want that in weeks, months or years Dear? Bless you Dear, it’s not for me to know the workings of the Lord’s mind. Not in your lifetime Honey, if I’m really lucky. Not anytime soon, I’m sure you’ll be pleased to know. Just gossip! Got any other insensitive questions? Not anytime soon. Have you heard any other good rumours? I am not sure. Oh, and are you still cheating on your husband? I don’t know, oh, and good luck with your STD! I’ll send you a card, if they are still making mail deliveries then. I’ll send you a card from heaven, if they make deliveries to where you are going. Do you mean statistically or by my Horoscope. It’s only a rumour that I’ve got the plague you know. I’m still not sure, but when I have a date, you’ll be the first to know. Not for ages, the crematorium has stopped taking advanced bookings. Not for ages, we can’t afford it. Not for ages. I’ve decided not to make any more long-term plans. Thanks for asking. I’ll add you to my heartless friends list. They all want to be the first to know. I bet I know what your next question is. How long is a piece of string? If I could answer your question I would be God, and I would be very unhappy Jan. If there was the slightest chance of answering your question, there would be an equally small chance you’d understand it. It’s been found statistically, that people who have the nerve to ask that question, have a better then even chance of having a sudden and violent death.
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