yesterday was absolutely the worst day ive had in a while. sometimes i dont feel that i have a place within my own family and im viewed as the "problem solver". even tho i know thats not the case and im very much loved some times i need to just step back and deal with my own needs and as soon as i try... someone has a problem and the want my help. i guess since loosing my mother, my little brother has only had me as a female influence in his life. and i guess in many ways thats y he comes to me when things go sour. and generally its about money. unfortunately im now on a carers pension and i dont make what i used to. so he turns to my dad... who gets mad... and then some how its all my fault when people get mad. my dad was a bit of a drinker before he started his treatment. and yesterday was his 1st beer in 7 weeks. even though he wont admit it... it made him depressed. and i hated seeing him like that. today i head off to see my own GP (just more follow ups on my bad back) then to fix up the rent, and then to my fathers best friends funeral. i wasnt sure i was going, but i spent many of my childhood days with him and his kids... back when life was just easier. even though we tried to convince my dad he would be fine, he isnt going. mainly because his speech is a little hard to understand and he still has a bit of mucus that leaks from his mouth at times. BUT on a plus note.... My big brother FINALLY (after 10 yrs) asked his girlfriend to marry him!!!!! i knew about the ring 2 weeks ago but he told me he had it planned for the weekend... he just couldnt wait i guess! and its about time!!! well ill be sure to update and rant again soon! Manda
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